“I Found It Hard To Breathe!”

When I think back to what happened in 2001, I remember that there was a time when I was working out and I ended up finding it hard to breathe. At the time, I just thought that I had a cold coming on.
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However, after I went to see the doctor, I came to see that it wasn’t a cold. After I had a few tests done, I found out that I actually had a collapsed lung.

I Was In A State Of Shock

I wanted to know how this had happened and how long it would take until I would be able to breathe properly. I remember being told that I wouldn’t be able to do any exercise for quite some time.

I loved working out so I felt crushed but, on the plus side, it meant that I was able to miss out on a lot of the PE lessons at school that I didn’t enjoy. When I asked how this had happened, I was told that it was because I was tall and slim.

I Thought That Was It

I remember hearing this and wondering what this had to do with it; it wasn’t satisfied with this answer. If anything, it just caused me to feel bad about how slim I was, and as though there was something wrong with my body.

Once my lung returned to how it was before, I soon forget about what had happened. A number of years later, though, the same thing happened again, and this time I had to go into hospital.

I was Different

I had to lie down so that they could remove the air form my chest, and this was a time when I was able to use my mind to clam myself down. The first time this happened I wasn’t on the path, but this time it was different.

One of the nurses commented on how calm I was, and this made me think about how far I had come with my own inner development. Even so, I wasn’t at a point in my development where I was ready to look into what may have caused something like this to occur.

A Number of Years Later

And just like before, I was told that this probably happened because I was tall and slim. A number of years after this, in 2013, I ended up finding it hard to breathe again.

If went for a run or walk it would be ever worse, which meant that I had to take it easy. Fortunately, my lung hadn’t collapsed this time and I was far more aware of what was taking place within me.

Stepping Back

It wasn’t as if this was something that just happened, though, as I had experienced a breakup a few months before. When this came to an end, I experienced an incredible amount of pain.

This was a time when I felt overwhelmed with loss and grief, amongst other things, and I soon realised that this was why I was finding it hard to breath. I ended up doing some research and reading about how this is the area of the body where these feelings are held.
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A Build-Up

It was what had been triggered from my past that was causing so much pain, not the relationship that had just come to an end. My father had passed on a few years before, yet I hadn’t faced how I felt.

There was also the neglect that I experienced as a child, and this was probably the main reason why my lungs collapsed all those years ago. All this pain had built-up within me and it was looking for a way out.

One Option

But not only did this grief make it hard for me to breathe, it also caused me to feel down and depressed. I retracted and no longer had the same desire to embrace life or to be around others.

It was only too clear that I had to face this pain, and I soon found out that this pain had to be cried out. And as this pain had been building up over many, many years, this wasn’t going to happen overnight.