It’s safe to say that no one goes into a marriage expecting to divorce. After all, if you know you wouldn’t make it, what’s the point of spending all that money and walking down the aisle in the first place? But marital problems are an inevitability that every couple faces. Issues that could lead you from nuptial bliss to a divorce lawyer’s office might sneak up on you or be staring you right in the face and before long, you may find yourself in a marital crisis.
So, how can a couple in crisis salvage the situation? We present 5 secret techniques to improve couples in crisis.
You must understand that relationships are living, breathing entities. Like most other living things, they either grow or die. And they only grow when you nurture and invest in them. To improve a relationship in crisis, you must make it a top priority and invest time and energy into making things work.
Unfortunately, time has a way of chipping away at our priorities. Other things might start to seem more important than your relationship with your significant other as time goes on. But marriages only work when your partner comes before everything else, even your kids.
First off, this means letting go of the desire to fix or change your partner. In Choice Theory, William Glasser explains that if you must change any relationship, you must come to terms with the fact that the only person you can truly change is yourself. The earlier you realize this, the better. We all long to be loved and accepted for who we truly are; so, when your partner feels that you are not ashamed or disappointed in them, they may feel supported to change. All the while, you must keep your focus on improving yourself as much as possible.
Next, you must now focus on those qualities you love and respect in your partner. Call to mind the moments and reasons why they became special to you; believe that all those things are still true; and allow yourself to feel the love, respect, and pride that you felt when you first realized how important they are to you. Hold those moments to your heart and return to them to rekindle your commitment to strengthening your relationship.
If you believe you can’t afford to counsel, think again. Counseling will always be cheaper than divorce, both financially and emotionally. Also, a willingness to seek outside help sends a positive message to your partner. It tells them how serious you are about saving their marriage. For even faster results, you may want to try an intensive marriage retreat for couples in crisis.
When you do get counseling, you must follow it with an action plan. Like with a fitness program, counseling comes with an action plan that must be applied to produce the desired results. If necessary, ask trusted friends and family to keep you accountable, then follow through with the plan. If you both take responsibility and do the right things, anything is possible, and you might end up with a stronger relationship than when you first started.
Being in the room and being present is not the same thing. When you are present, you don’t assume that you know what your partner will say before they do. You listen to what you have yet to understand. You actively want to learn what’s truly going on. This is different from listening to prove your point of view.
You must also communicate to your partner that you want to hear and understand them. You must make it clear that you know you have not done a good job of listening to them in the past, that you understand how it has hurt your relationship, and that even though you may not fully understand everything, you will make an effort to understand them and what matters most to them.
Do what you did when you first started the relationship. Go back to the days of complimenting each other. Dress up for each other. Intentionally do something new and fun to rekindle the fire. When last did you hold hands at a movie? Or kiss her—or him—unexpectedly? Even if you don’t feel like it, do it anyway; in doing so, you’ll remember why.
When your marriage is in distress, a powerful intervention may be the way to salvage the situation and get things back on track. These 5 secret techniques to improve couples in crisis are a great starting point on this journey. And an intensive marriage retreat for couples in crisis, like we offer at An Affair of the Heart, is an even more powerful way to fix relationships in crisis fast.
Visit the website for Intensive Marriage Retreat details.
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