Sense Of Deserving: Can Child Abuse Stop Someone From Developing A Sense Of Deserving?

In general, someone could spend a lot of time in doing mode, meaning that they will rarely if ever just be. So, even if they were to go on holiday, they could spend a lot of time thinking about what they should have done before they left and what they will do when they get back.

This will show that it is hard for them to truly let go and relax – to surrender to the moment. Once they return, then, they could be just as exhausted as they were before they left and their mind could be filled with all the things that they need to do.

One Big Struggle

Yet, no matter how hard they work, they could find that they usually only just have enough money to make ends meet. As a result of this, they will give a lot but they won’t receive a great deal in return.

Furthermore, when it comes to what they do have and receive, they could fear that they will soon lose it all. Thanks to this, they will battle for what they have and they will battle to keep hold of it.

A Way of Life

If they typically work from the moment they wake up, until close to the moment they go to bed, they are likely to spend a lot of time feeling washed out. To keep their energy up, they could rely on at least one stimulant to keep them going, such as coffee.

There could be times when they feel so worn out that they are unable to get out of bed. Yet, instead of looking into why this is, they could simply do what they can to get back on their feet as soon as they can.

A Tough Time

Their body will be telling them to rest but they won’t be able to heed their body’s advice. Consequently, there could come a point in time when something far more severe happens and they won’t be able to push their way through what happens.

When they do feel washed out and are unable to get up, this could also be a time when they will feel guilty. Thus, their need to do something will be backed up by the sense that they are doing something wrong by resting.

An Analogy

One way of looking at this would be to say that it is as though they are on a treadmill that they are unable to get off. But, unless they choose to get off this treadmill, they are likely to end up being thrown off.

And, if they are thrown off, they might not be able to get back on this treadmill ever again. This is because their health could be in such a bad way that they will have no other choice than to do very little.

Stepping Back

If they were to see that living in this way is not sustainable and is greatly undermining them, they might wonder why they behave in this way. They might find that although they want their life to change, they still feel the pull to continue to behave in the same way.

The thought of not being a human do-ing and allowing themselves to be a human be-ing can cause them to feel ashamed, guilty and fearful. If so, this will be a time when they don’t feel good or at ease.

A Closer Look

What this is likely to show is that they don’t have a felt sense of worth or deserving and don’t feel safe enough to let go and to relax. With this in mind, spending a lot of time in doing mode and working hard will be a way for them to try to feel worthy, to experience a sense of deserving and it will be what feels safe.

At this point, they could struggle to understand why they experience life in this way. What could come to mind is that they were simply born this way and are, therefore, missing something.

Going Deeper

But, while this may seem to be the case, there is the chance that they are this way due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were not given the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Throughout his stage of their life, they may have been physically harmed and neglected and, as they were egocentric, what took place would have been personalised. Being treated in this way would have created a felt sense of vulnerability, unworthiness, undeserving and being unlovable inside them.

A Natural outcome

Many, many years will have passed but, deep down, they will continue to feel vulnerable, unworthy, undeserving and unlovable. How they live their life as an adult will be have been a way for them to unconsciously avoid how they feel, to try to finally feel worthy and deserving and to run away from their abusive parent or parents that have been internalised.

The pain that their brain would have automatically repressed all those years ago will need to be faced and worked through. Additionally, there will be the arousal that will need to be discharged.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.