Father Wounds: Can A Woman Hate Men If She Had An Abusive Father?

If a woman hates men, this can be something that is very much part of her personality or it might not be. When it comes to the former, she could spend a lot of time thinking about how bad men are and having numerous conversations with other women about it.

This could go even further, though, with just about her whole life revolving around what she believes about men. In this case, she is likely to have a career that is focused on how bad they are and what can be done to change this.

The other

However, when it comes to the latter, how she sees men could be something that enters her mind from time to time. If she is in a relationship with a man, then, she could often feel a lot of hate towards him or if she isn’t, she could feel a lot of hate towards how men have treated her in the past and how some of her friends are treated by men.

Additionally, this could be an inner experience that she has when she thinks about certain things that are taking place in the world. Once again, she will think about how bad men are.

Another Scenario

Then again, she could be in a position where she is carrying a lot of hate towards men but not allow herself to consciously acknowledge this. When a man in her life or in the public eye does something negative, then, she can experience a sense of disgust but that can be about it.

For one reason or another, she won’t be able to face up to how she really feels about men. Still, while she won’t be able to do this, a lot of her behaviour will shed light on how she feels about them.

One Example

If a woman, who hasn’t been able to acknowledge how she feels, was to become aware of how she feels, she might wonder why she has such a negative view of men. Nonetheless, another part of her could soon kick in and say that it’s because of how she has been treated by them.

If she was to look back on her life, she could see that she has been with a number of men who have treated her very badly. These men might have treated her like she was nothing and some, if not all of them, might have even physically harmed her.

All the Same

And while she may see that she has spent time with men who were different, she could find that a big part of her finds it hard to accept that they were different, So, a part of her could believe that if she had spent more time with them, they would have turned out to be the same as the other men that she has been with.

Ergo, this part of her won’t be able to accept that there are any ‘good’ men in the world and they will all be put into the same box. At this point, it could be said that the experiences that she has had with men as an adult have defined how she sees them.

Another Angle

Nonetheless, although this can sound like the truth, what if there is far more to it? What if the experiences that she has had with men as an adult are a continuation of the experiences that she had with her father?

If she was to hear this, she could say that her childhood wasn’t that bad and that her father didn’t mistreat her. This could be so but it could also be a sign that her brain has blocked out what took place to protect her.

A Closer Look

Assuming that she was mistreated and he brain has blocked out what took place to protect her, it could take a while for her to remember what it was actually like for her at this stage of her life. If she was to think about this stage of her life, what she could start to remember is that her father greatly undermined her.

As opposed to being a father who was kind, gentle, loving and protected her, then, he would have been unkind, rough, cold and harmed her. She would have ended up being deeply wounded and deprived.

A Brutal Time

Her mother might have been just as unloving or she might have been too scared to do anything about what was going on. Sadly, as she was powerless and totally dependent, she wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on or to find another family who could love her.

Consequently, the anger, rage and disgust, and, the helplessness, hopelessness and hurt that she experienced would have had to be repressed. Her developmental needs would also have had to be repressed.

Another part

And, while her father wouldn’t have represented all men, her underdeveloped brain would have caused her to generalise what took place and to apply it to all men. The particular would then have become the general.

This association will play a part in why she has continually had experiences with men who haven’t been very loving. Along with this, as she was deprived of the love that she needed, her repressed unmet developmental needs will cause her to unconsciously recreate scenarios that are very similar to what it was like for her as a child in the hope that she will finally be loved by her father.

It's over

What this illustrates is that this part of her has no sense of time and is blind; this is why it doesn’t realise that this stage of her life is over and that another man is not her father. Due to this, not only can’t another man give her what she missed out on, but it is too late for her to meet these needs.

For her to put this stage of her life behind her, she is likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
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Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.