Mother Wounds: Can A Man Be Out Of Touch With His Desire To Love If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

What can be normal is for a man to only have the desire to share his body with a woman, nothing more nothing less. Then again, he might have the need to share his mind with her, but that could be about it.

Either way, this is likely to mean that he will only have casual encounters and will, at times, date. If he does date, though, it might not be much different to how it would be if he was only sharing his body.

One Need

In both cases, then, his main need will be to have sex and although he might talk about certain areas of his life, this won’t be something that he feels a strong need to do. If he was to think about what he is like, he could say that he just has a high sex drive.

As a result of this, he will need to have a lot of sex or else he will end up being tense and unable to focus on other areas of his life. Another part of this is that he could see himself as being very masculine.

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There is a chance that he will be surrounded by male friends who are also in the same position. What he is doing is then not going to be any different to what most of his friends are doing.

When they get together, as opposed to questioning why they behave in this way, they could often question why a man would behave differently. The men that do can be seen as the ones who are missing out and even have issues.

One Purpose

Based on how he and these men behave, it will be as though he only has a mind and a body. His friends will be the ones who provide him with mental stimulation and certain women will provide him with physical stimulation.

He will then have a heart but this part of him won’t have much of an effect on his life, at least not on his relationships. Of course, he can feel close to his friends, family and perhaps his pet, if he was one, but he is not going to have the need to love and be loved by a woman.

No Interest

If he was asked why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a woman who he loves and loves him, he could say that this doesn’t interest him. He could also talk about all the bad things that happen in a relationship.

Furthermore, he could talk about some of the relationships that his friends are in and perhaps have been in, and how they are being taken advantage of. Alternatively, he could just laugh and not even answer the question.

Different

From this, it could be said the reason he doesn’t have the need to love and be loved by a woman is that he is different. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be able to behave in this way and would want more.

Nevertheless, while it may seem as if he is different, there might be far more to it. Instead, his need to love and be loved by a woman could simply have been repressed.

Divided

Consequently, if this is the case, these needs will have been covered up and it is then to be expected that he won’t want to experience more. But, thanks, in part, to how long he has been this way, he won’t realise this.

Being this way will then just be what he is like as opposed to the fact that he is out of touch with these needs. With this in mind, for him to become aware of what is going on, he might need to experience something significant.

The Catalyst

So, after being this way for many, many years, he could get to the stage where living in this way no longer interests him. Or, he could end up getting closer than normal to a woman and this could soon end, which could unlock his need to love and be loved.

If the latter was to occur, he could struggle to understand what is going on and even wonder why he feels so needy. Naturally, as these needs will have been repressed for however long, what is going on is not going to make any sense.

A Closer Look

When it comes to why he has been out of touch with his need to love and be loved by a woman, it can be due to what took place during his formative years. This may have been a time when he was deprived of the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

As to why this was, his mother might have been emotionally unavailable and thus, he wouldn’t have been able to attach to and bond with her. To handle what was going on, the pain that he was in and a number of his developmental needs would have been repressed by his brain.

No Choice

As he was powerless and totally dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to change his mother or to find a mother who could love him. His only option was to lose touch with his body and create a disconnected false self.

If he had stayed connected to his love for his mother and the need to be loved by her, it would have been too painful. Losing touch with these needs, as well as others, and the pain that he was in made it easier for him to put up with what was going on.

Another Reality

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life, but he would have stayed in this shut down and disconnected state. And, while his need to love his mother and be loved by her can seem to be different to his need to love a woman and be loved by her, it will be coming from the same place.

It will be coming from his heart; the part of him that had to be covered up to protect him very early on. If his early years had been different and he had developed a felt sense of safety, among other things, his heart would have been able to stay open and there would be no need for so much of his energy to be held in his genitals and perhaps in his head – all parts of his being would be alive, allowing him to operate as a whole human being.

Moving Forward

What this illustrates is that although what took place at this stage of his life would have been forgotten about by his conscious mind, it will have continued to define how he experiences life. The conscious reasons that he has for behaving in this way, as convincing as they may be, won’t be the real reasons.

This is a consequence of the fact that his brains priority is to make sure that he is not flooded with pain, so he can keep it together and function. Making sure that he forgets things is one of the ways that this takes place, as the very act of remembering something can unlock a lot of pain and thereby, undermine his ability to keep it together.
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Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.