If you are like most working moms I know, then you have a to-do list a mile long. And, everything on that list is of the utmost importance, leaving you feeling constantly overwhelmed and ineffective. On that list are things like taking care of your kids and family, connecting with your partner, coordinating activities, and – don’t forget – actually showing up for and being successful at work. This is the true treadmill of the life of a working mom. You run hard and fast but often feel like you get nowhere.
It is an unfortunate truth: your to-do list will actually never end, especially when, as a working mom, you are juggling several equally important responsibilities. Even though you may never have a truly completed to-do list neatly crossed off and ready for recycling, you can have a list that feels doable, less stressful, and maybe even more fun.
Recently I prepared to go on a much-needed vacation with my husband. Instead of becoming giddy and excited about a sweet romantic getaway for two, I was irritable, exhausted, and, quite honestly, resentful of my pre-vacation to-do list. I took shallow breaths, snapped at my children, and felt like my head was going to explode as my list kept getting longer and longer. As a working mom with three young children, this was definitely not how I wanted to feel before heading to a vacation spot where my daily wardrobe would mainly be a bathing suit!
I finally realized that in order to gain clarity – and a better attitude – I had to slow down and re-invent my to-do list. I had to transform it into a helpful and realistic tool. This, in turn, would enable me to live a life I loved before heading off on vacation (not to mention while on vacation).
I took charge of my to-do list in three easy steps.
1. Make Your List - Get cozy and quiet in a place that is different from where you usually make your lists or plan your days. Make this time and space different somehow. Take some deep breaths and let yourself slow down. Now, write a list of all of your responsibilities for a given day or week. (Don’t forget to keep breathing while you write!)
2. Divide - Divide a separate piece of paper into two columns and label them: Must Do’s and Would Like to Do’s. Put the items from your list above into the appropriate column. Challenge yourself to place at least half of the items from your initial list in the Would-Like-to-Do column. Closely examine what beliefs, patterns and resistance emerge. You may feel like everything belongs on the Must-Do side, but does it really? For example: If you believe that you must bathe your kids every night or you must put a hot meal on the table every night – challenge yourself. What would happen if you bathed your kids only three times a week, or ordered in dinner, bought prepared meals at your grocery store, or even served breakfast for dinner – an occasional “cereal night?” The world as you know it probably wouldn’t end. Get creative and think outside the box.
3. Conquer - Next, fold the paper in half and hide your Would-Like-to-Do items. Number the Must-Do items in order of importance. Note any feelings or sensations that arise. (Maybe this is challenging, freeing, or both.) Just notice. Go forth, and do the things on this shorter, more focused list. Don’t forget to celebrate what you achieve.
When I followed these steps, I realized that almost everything on my pre-vacation to-do list was really a Would-Like-to-Do item. There was very little that I actually had to complete before I went away. I had to make sure my kids were safe and cared for and that my work responsibilities were handled. Beyond that, I realized that even packing was optional! Everything I needed I could find at our vacation destination. So, instead of spending hours picking out the “right” outfits for the trip, I (1) firmed up our childcare coverage for while we were away and (2) threw my three favorite outfits, bathing suit, toothbrush, sunglasses and sunscreen into a bag and called it quits! By focusing the list on only those things I absolutely had to achieve, I created for myself a new, more refreshing perspective, felt a heavy weight lift, became gentler with myself and my children, and let go of my do-or-die to-do list.
Don’t let your to-do list get you down. One of the best things about the easy steps above is that they are, well, easy! It won’t take a lot of time to de-stress your to-do list and get yourself on a direct path to what truly matters most instead of running on that treadmill to nowhere.
Julie Zeff, MSW, CPCC, RYT is a mom and life coach who helps working moms live guilt-free, balanced lives they love. As a working mom with three children herself, she understands first-hand the major stresses and challenges working moms face. Julie integrates over a decade of expertise as a Certified Professional Co-Active life coach (CPCC), yoga instructor, and social worker. She is passionately committed to empowering working moms to tap into the unique wisdom and language of their bodies and minds to know and trust themselves like never before.
Julie provides individual and group coaching to working moms across the country – to anyplace that a phone will reach. She has a monthly newsletter packed with immediately useful, inspiring and supportive tools. Sign up for her newsletter and read more about how she helps working moms transform their lives into lives they love at www.juliezeff.com. You can reach Julie at julie@vividliving.net.