What constitutes sexual addiction? This article addresses some common misconceptions. It also more clearly defines sexual addiction. I hope that those reading this article will understand that like all addictions, sex addiction is a progressive disease. It requires more and more to get the same “high” and sex addicts find themselves seeking things that are taboo and more risky behaviors. This could result in engaging in illegal sex acts and possibly sexual abuse.
People believe that someone who has a lot or sex or appear to be insatiable is a sex addict. That is not really the case. I have known couples who have sex daily and have been for many years. At most, I would consider them to be hyper-sexual and not sex addicts. Libido differs from person to person. Having a high libido and liking sex a great deal is not in and of itself a bad thing. Humans are wired to get a great deal of pleasure from sex. If that weren't the case people would not engage in sexual activity as often and have less motivation to procreate. A person with a high libido does not fit the definition of sexual addict.
In order to understand sexual addiction there must first be an understanding of addiction. A person is considered addicted to a substance or behavior if it is done compulsively despite negative consequences. The person has made attempts to discontinue using a substance or not engaging in the behavior and has not been successful. Promising yourself or others that you will quit and returning to the behaviors is a sign that you may be addicted. The reason for engaging in the behavior or using the substance is also an important factor. People who engage in these compulsive behaviors or use substances in order to change or avoid feelings or avoid something that they don't want to face are at risk for addiction. In most cases sexual addicts are not seeking sexual gratification. They are seeking a way to avoid or manage feelings.
Other factors that might determine if someone is a sex addict could include engaging in the sexual behavior longer than planned and missing, or being late to, family or work related events due to engaging in sexual behaviors. If your sexual behavior is having a negative effect on your job performance or your relationships you may want to consider that you might be developing or already have a sexual addiction. Isolating from family and friends in order to engage in sexual behavior could point toward a sexual addiction.
People who masturbate compulsively could also be at risk for sexual addiction. The internet makes it easy to access an incredible amount of pornography that can stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain. Many sex addicts spend many hours looking at pornography and masturbating (for some, multiple times per day). Some sex addicts engage in voyeurism or forms of exhibitionism. People who engage in multiple affairs could also have a sexual addiction.
Like other addictions, there is a cycle that exists with sex addiction. The cycle can be broken and the addiction treated. If you or someone you know can identify with what has been discussed in this article, they should seek counseling with a professional that has experience treating sexual addiction. There are also 12 step programs for sexual addiction (S.L.A.A. and S.A.A.). It starts with accepting that you have a problem, dealing with the issues, and seeking help.
N. Jay Tow, M.S.
Board Certified Sexologist
Please visit my website: www.alttherapist.org
I am a Life Management and Relationship Coach as well as a board certified sexologist. I have been working with individuals and couples for nearly 20 years. I have also worked with clients throughout the country via the internet for several years. Distance coaching is becoming more accepted and is as effective as face to face. My focus is to provide solution focused and judgment-free coaching.
I have both experience and training in sex therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, trauma resolution, and addiction counseling. I continue to add to my skills. Prior to having a full time private practice I worked in both Inpatient and Intensive Outpatient programs. My goal with all my clients is to help them achieve a more rewarding and fuller life.
Please visit my website for more information. www.alttherapist.org.