6 Scriptural Misunderstandings of Christian Codependency

The following 6 Scriptural misunderstandings form the basis of Christian codependency. They show how inaccurate Scriptural understandings contribute to Christian codependency. The cure is an accurate understanding of what the Bible says about ourselves and how we are to value ourselves compared to others in relationships. Here are the 6 Scriptural misunderstandings:

1. The belief that God wants sacrifice that puts other people first at all times. God wants us to care for others and ourselves not just for others. If you were going to Disneyland and kept letting the other person go in line before you, you would never get into Disneyland and that wouldn't be right. If you always put others before yourself, you aren't taking care of yourself.

2. The belief that God doesn't want you to set boundaries against mistreatment. Jesus wasn't a doormat. He confronted those that mistreated him, he left when his life was in danger, and he made a stand against sin. He finally laid down his life when it was in God's divine plan. You can and should set boundaries against mistreatment for your good, the good of the other person, and the relationship.

3. The belief that you must forgive over and over without setting any protection against further mistreatment. Forgiveness involves letting go of the desire to take revenge and the active anger and hatred toward the person. It doesn't have anything to do with setting boundaries. When someone mistreats you or violates your trust, you should put up boundaries to protect yourself. You can do this while you are forgiving.

4. The belief that you must always trust, persevere and hope that things will change. 1 Corinthians 13 describes God's agape love but God also has a side that holds us accountable for sin and that allows us to experience the consequences for our sin (Galatians 6:7-8). We can always trust, persevere and hope but need to ask ourselves what we are persevering and hoping for. Is it persevering in our tolerance of sin or for making a stand for what is right?

5. The belief that you are responsible for the other person's choices. Each of us is responsible for ourselves. We will individually stand before the judgment seat of Christ and explain our actions. Each person is responsible for their own choices and the consequences. You need to care for people but not take care of them by doing what they should do for themselves.

6. The belief that dying to self means you should put others before themselves. Jesus talked about dying to our sin natures which we do when we are born again. We have to continue to live in a way that involves a choice to walk in the Spirit. We also need to die to ourselves and follow Christ. We don't die to ourselves in our relationships and prove it by being an empty shell in them.