Can People Really Ever Change?

When is it time to change? When you become aware of dissatisfaction in your life. What causes people to examine how they got caught up in their present situation? Often a word from a friend—not always a kind word either—a book you read, a speaker you heard. It begins when it occurs to you there may be hope for a better life. It begins when you believe there is a better way. It is the first ray of hope.

Many people who are frustrated or frightened or in pain don’t reach out to discover the source of that pain and are not willing to change. Many people don’t do anything to remove whatever is blocking their lives. They don’t believe they have power to change themselves, their circumstances or the outcome of their lives. Or the discomfort is just bad enough to make them realize they’re unhappy—and sit around complaining for years—but not painful enough to really make them take any action.

To deal with their disappointment, people may overeat, drink, deny it, do drugs, cheat, lie, stay out, stay in, do for others, do for themselves, forget it, dwell on it, go to class, read books or do anything in the world but change.

Numbing ourselves is a great way to avoid the pain of anger or hurt, but the bad news is the pain of disappointment keeps coming back to haunt us unless we fix the root problem permanently. The little voices that hit us just when we think we have things figured out, are the Monster Lies—negative beliefs that kept us from happiness and success—living inside our psyche, just itching to get out.

So much of what has been limiting you—or downright stopping you—has to do with the beliefs that are floating around in your head like unchangeable truths. When, in reality, they’re Lies (untruths) that have been fed to you by lots of often well-meaning, but misguided, people. When we buy these tenets as the “gospel,” these comments sit and incubate. They become so real that we can’t tell reality from fiction. Eventually we get so discouraged that we’re sure there is absolutely nothing we can do.

Stop and think a second. What separates you from the star tennis player, the president of the student body, the CEO of your company, the mayor of your town or your incredibly happy friend? Not their money, not their looks or talent or intellect. It’s their beliefs.

Remember, everything you know about yourself is based on a belief you’re holding. If you think you can be successful, happy, win the election, have great grades, maybe you can. If someone, or several someones, convinces you otherwise—and you accept that as truth—then you start to believe that you can’t.

So in very simplistic terms, if we can control the Monster Lies—and they’re very real, living creatures just waiting to sabotage us every chance they can—then there are truly no real limits as to what we can accomplish, do, have, feel and enjoy.