***Happy Family Research: Grieving Loss Of A Husband***

Divorce and death of a husband is a top life stressor. Learn about this grief from the following quiz. Choose one answer that best describes your belief.

1. Jennifer and her husband divorced after one year. Five months later, Jennifer has gone out on three casual dates.
___A. She was only married a year. Find love—life is short.
___B. Jennifer should concentrate on her female friendships.
___C. Jennifer should work on learning about herself, men and relationships by
spending time with men and women.

2. After six years of a difficult marriage, Renee and her husband divorce. She is devastated.
___ A. You tell her to move on with her life and offer to fix her up.
___ B. Encourage Renee to get professional help.
___ C. Buy a bottle of wine and start a woman’s support group.

3. Layla had a great, fifteen-year marriage. Four months ago, her husband died unexpectedly. She is having a little trouble concentrating at work and cries a bit more.
___A. Four months is a long time to be crying still. Tell her to get help immediately.
___B. As her friend, you advise her to contact her insurance company and find
the names of therapists on the plan who treat grief.
___C. As her boss, you tell her to take the next few days off.

4. After twenty-five years of marriage, Patricia’s husband died. She immediately sold the house, bought a condo and started dating up a storm in search of love. Her one child lives in another area of the U.S.
___A. You tell her to hold off on love for a year to respect her deceased husband.
___B. You are appalled. You and your partner decide to see her less often.
___C. You tell her you are there for her as a friend.

Scoring and Explanations

1. It doesn’t matter whether Jennifer was married for one year or ten. Marriage is a far bigger emotional step than living together. Once you get married, the glue has dried on your attachment. Any divorce causes grief. Jennifer should concentrate on learning about herself through her behavior in all her relationships, consider therapy and not rush out and look for love. Three points for C, two for B, one for A. To learn more about loss of unhappy relationships, see statement numbers 2 and 4.

2. Unhappily married people who divorce tend to seek love too soon without understanding their past. Friends are great—but they are not professionals and often have biases. Renee should get professional help. Three points for B, two for C, one for A. See statement numbers 1 and 4 to learn more about recovering from unhappy relationships.

3. Individual grief reactions are as unique as fingerprints. Crying and depression occur from the third to the seventh month. There is no need to panic at four months. Professional help is advised. A few days off from work may not make a difference, and removing the need to get up in the morning could increase depression. Three points for B, two for A, one for C. Read all the statements to learn about grief in general.

4. Patricia’s behavior is not unusual for unhappily married people. You can’t really know about a person’s marriage, so don’t advise respecting a miserable one. Couples who have serious relationship problems often fear that unhappiness is contagious and avoid divorced friends or widows who act like Patricia. Be a true friend--offer help or suggest therapy. Three points for C, two for A, one for B. See statement numbers 1 and 2 to learn about reactions to the end of unhappy relationships.

10-12 points: Terrific. Be a friend and pass on your knowledge.
6-9 points: You are learning. Review the explanations.
4-5 points: Rethink your beliefs and learn from the explanations.

This article first appeared in www.w2wlink.com