Asking for the support you need can be intimidating, but this article offers insight into why you should never be afraid to ask, even if you’re afraid you might be asking for too much.
None of us can achieve our goals alone. Yet our insecurities, self-doubt, low self-esteem, and feelings of unworthiness can cause us to feel guilty asking for help from others unless we can offer them something of equal value in return. You can always promise to do something for that person down the road, but what if it seems you will never be able to repay him for his support?
Because most of us rarely receive unconditional love and support, it can be very hard to feel confident and secure enough to ask for it. If we can't guarantee repayment of our debt, we're deeply reluctant to say, “Can you help me today?” Our fear is that the other person will not only say no, but resent being asked.
Perhaps you feel you have little to give in return other than gratitude. Today, many people feel so stressed that their self-esteem is suffering. They don't feel entitled to ask others for help when their future seems so uncertain. Others are timid about asking people for the extra emotional support that would make all the difference for them.
If you're afraid to ask for unconditional support, the key is to recognize that you are never responsible for anyone else's feelings. Should someone refuse your request and resent your asking, it is because they are creating feelings of scarcity and anger in response to thoughts that they're generating that may have nothing to do with you. You may be unaware of their own neediness at this time. It may seem that they're upset with you for asking when really, they're upset with themselves for having difficulty asking for the help they need. Or, they feel embarrassed that they can't help you to the degree they'd like to, and they feel ashamed. You can't know what is in the other person's heart, but you can choose to take responsibility for your emotions and not theirs.
Know that when you ask someone for assistance, you are offering that person an opportunity to experience the joy of giving and feeling appreciated, loved, and cherished. To be able to give to others is the greatest gift. Extend an invitation for someone to step into generosity, and allow yourself to feel strong and courageous for doing so. Should that person turn you down, or react badly, bless him and have faith that someone else is out there waiting for a chance to feel he can make a difference in another person's life by helping you out.
Peggy McColl is the author of the New York Times bestseller Your Destiny Switch. She is a much sought after motivational speaker and goal achievement coach. This article is adapted from her book The Won Thing, published by Hay House, copyright 2009 Peggy McColl, www.TheWonThing.com