Why Is Loving Ourselves So Hard?
We spend so much time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, and yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life to share with others. When you expect love from an external source, and someone or something does not fulfill your void and fantasies, then you will feel worse than before. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others. All of us would have loved to help God form us. We would have had smaller this or bigger that, but your physical appearance should not define you. We make the mistake of thinking if we love ourselves, we are somehow, vain. In fact, society would have us to believe that it is wrong and selfish to love ourselves. In actuality, the vain person is often insecure and has a low self-esteem. They hide behind a mask of vanity.
Self-love involves a sense of security in you. If you truly love yourself, you don’t have to wait for external affirmation. You are secure enough in yourself not to allow another person’s opinion of you to dictate your own attitude about who you are. Not knowing how to love yourself often leads to self-doubt and indecision. The old adage “opposites attract” is not always the case. If you lack love for yourself, oftentimes, you’ll attract people and circumstances that mirror your negative attitude. We attract to us the manifestations of what we feel and what we feel expresses itself in all walks of our lives. We spend so much time waiting for someone to love us, hoping love will find us, that we feel empty and lost without it. So, in order to draw loving people and loving situations, we have to first love ourselves. But, how do you go about learning to love yourself?
1.Treat yourself like you treat other people – women are born to be nurturers. We take care of everyone else’s needs and wants and neglect our own. We think nothing of going out of our way to accommodate a loved one, but hesitate to go the extra mile for ourselves. Compliment yourself just as you compliment other people. If you look in the mirror and you look good, it’s OK to tell yourself that. If you've accomplished something and feel proud of yourself, bask in that moment.
2.Stop beating yourself up – we put ourselves down a hundred times throughout the day. We say things like, “how could I have been so stupid? Or “I look horrible.” How would you feel if the person that’s supposed to love you constantly said these things to you? Why is it that we accept less from ourselves than we expect from someone else? Think of something positive about yourself. It may take you awhile, but we all have something good about us. We were not created with any redeeming qualities. You cannot begin to love yourself until you believe you are worthy of that love.
3.Let go of the past – everybody deserves a fresh start. We will let bygones be bygones for our loved ones over and over again. Yet, when it comes to ourselves, we continue to go back to the point of our hurt, never moving beyond. Why is it easier for us to dwell on past hurts than past triumphs? Learn the lesson, forgive yourself for past mistakes, let it go and move on. Your future is based on where you are today, not where you came from yesterday.
4.Forgive yourself - I’m sure you have made some mistakes that you are not proud of. Know that we all make mistakes. There is no person that hasn't made mistakes in life. There are some people who made mistakes and keep feeling guilty. They believe they can’t and shouldn't be forgiven. What you have to remember is that there is nothing that you have done that you shouldn't be forgiven for. Forgiving yourself might take some time, but if you learn to change your thoughts and view the mistakes you have done as experiences that you learn from, forgiving yourself will be much easier for you.
5.Stop seeking approval - If you are like most people, the chances are you sought approval at one time in life. It is good to want people’s approval, but when approval becomes a need instead of a want, this is when it becomes dangerous and could affect your self love. Not seeking approval is good for you because it teaches you to be confident in yourself and in your values. While listening to what other people say is important, their opinion shouldn't be more important than your opinion. Remember, you are a unique person that should always be loved. You are a true gift from God to the world and do not ever forget that.
As you let go of the blocks to self-love and practice loving yourself on a daily basis, the essence of love will grow within you and spread to all parts of your life. You will begin to trust yourself and your judgment more and doubt yourself less. This will empower you to release the conditional love of someone else and embrace the love you have for yourself. Love and happiness will be an expression of your true nature and you will begin to attract that same love and happiness into your life.
Linda has been homeless, a drunk, a victim of domestic violence, a drug dealer, hopeless and helpless. Everyone has a past. Do you know that your past does not define your present nor dictate your future? Is your future being held hostage by your past? Linda empowers women through her gifts as an insight & wisdom coach, facilitator, author and inspirational speaker. Her passion is to influence women in such a way as to inspire them into positive action, to get them from where they are to a place where they can love the life they live.
Linda works tirelessly providing her services to various women’s organizations. She facilitates several support groups, workshops, seminars and provides inspirational speaking for many women’s causes. She provides life skills to the Women’s Prison system and to community based programs offered through local agencies. Linda provides professional development to local colleges and businesses.
Linda is the author of “Your Past Has Passed” and is a Premium Expert Writer to It’s All About Women.com and a Trusted Author to Self Growth.com
Linda has a degree in English and is a Certified Insight & Wisdom Coach.