Do you find that your interactions with your partner include some of the following?
Poor or no eye-contact
Giving of the back or talking to the back
Talking to the air
Not responding, acknowledging or answering questions
Dismissing
Shutting down, ignoring
Withholding
Lying
Rejecting
Forgetting
Denying
Shrugging of shoulders
Rolling of eyes, giving the evil eye or staring down, huffing and puffing, sighing, sucking teeth
Leaving, walking/turning away, or truncating discussions
Cutting the other off, interrupting
Bickering
Tit-for-tat, score keeping
Challenging for the sake of being right
Changing the subject, refusing to discuss topics
Criticizing, controlling, owning, demanding, picking
Trying to change the other’s mind, perspective or view
Persuading, cajoling, nagging
Third degree interrogations
Wanting to know everything that is on the other’s mind
Not respecting privacy or personal �space�
Smothering
Taking over
Insulting, cursing
Yelling
Throwing, hitting or breaking things and/or hitting each other
Involving others
If you identified with the list and find that some or a lot of these are present in your relationship, then � STOP IT! This form of communicating and interacting is hugely detrimental to the relationship and each of your wellbeing. It disrupts your attunement and ruptures your connection. It disregulates you. It re- injures, traumatizes and wounds you. It makes you feel crazy. It creates a vicious negative cycle of interaction that is hurtful, harmful and dissatisfying. It holds you back from your personal and relational potential. It holds you back from Being You, being alive, living your authentic successful relationship and life.
Research indicates that relationships that are plagued with negative interactions are doomed to fail. Do not let this be your relationship! Instead create the loving, nurturing, supportive, and wonderful relationship you dream of and deserve.
Start by noticing how often you employ this negative form of communication and its outcome. Notice how you feel disconnected, disrupted and discontent� Catch yourself reacting and interacting this way. Gently remind yourself this is not how you want your relating to be and how this does not meet your needs. Give yourself permission to try something different. Be kind and attuned, respectful. Interact from your authentic self (not your defense mechanisms). Stop reacting and start responding � stop the negative vicious cycle today!
Happy Responding!!
~ Your MetroRelationship�" Assignment
Share the list above with your partner and invite them to also become aware of how you each employ negative forms of communication and interaction. Make a deal to each mind your own reactions and start becoming more responsive.
http://www.metrorelationship.com/SuccessfulCouples/2014/05/stop-reacting...
Emma K. Viglucci is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, is the creator of the MetroRelationship" philosophy and a variety of Successful Couples" programs and products that assist couples succeed at their relationship and life. To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive her weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources visit: www.metrorelationship.com.