Being influential can mean the difference between success and failure. Yours.
Influence is touted to women as an outer or external component as a means of getting what you want.
This is logical IF you accept influence as how to exert power over someone or a situation. James Ford instructs leaders on the five sources of power to influence people: reward power, coercive power, legitimate power, expert power and referent power.
Each of these "sources of power" are external ways of persuading or influencing something outside of yourself.
Dale Carnegie knew differently. He taught valuable lessons on how to influence people, and much of Carnegie’s lesser-known beliefs are about attitude (frame of mind or feeling) and sincerity (honesty). Traits that initiate from within a person. Nobody is in charge of your attitude or sincerity.
Understanding where your influence originates, develops and is expressed is critical to a woman’s source of influence and power. More and more women are asking, "Where do I connect or receive this power? How do I build my influence?"
There are 3 essential things to know when becoming influential:
1. Most lessons of modern-day influence are written by men who talk about outer experiences addressing the ‘doing’ aspect of influence.
Dr. Robert Cialdini teaches, “The key is to characterize what it is they know they should be doing in a way that makes it more likely they’ll engage in that behavior. Give them a value that they connect to the behavior. This produces more adherence.”
Adherence. The “if-I-do-this-than-you-will-do-that” rule of influence.” These rules simplify—and even distort by watering down—the essence and value of influence. Especially a woman’s influence.
The “If I do this than you will do that,” is a low-level explanation of influence. Again, using external learning and actions to determine the success of influence.
What’s more, none of these “say this and do that” teachings take into account something very important—the personality.
Outer results (and actions) are just 33% of the influence pie...ignoring talents and innate abilities women bring to the table.
Women may understand how the modern ‘power game’ is played but they don’t need to accept it.
2. What’s being taught about influence in the mainstream negates your most precious resource to create a life of total fulfillment. Intuition. Yours.
What women do best is allow their intuition to serve them -in business, in relationships, in decisions and in life.
How you work inside. The emotions you feel. Your soul.
Everything that makes you the woman you are. No interference from outside distractions wanting to control the result.
According to Merriam-Webster, influence is “an ethereal fluid held to flow from the stars and to affect the actions of humans, an emanation of spiritual or moral force, or the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command.”
Wow. What a beautiful definition.
The origin for the word “influence” comes from the Latin “influere” which means “to flow into.” Post-Roman Era Latin introduced the term “influential” which became “influence” in French. The English language took its definition of “influence” from the French.
Webster’s definition of influence “to flow into” sparks curiosity - on a gut level.
Women want to be influential. Influence as only what’s done to someone else is superficial.
That which is superficial is, by nature, disempowering.
What is the component that’s both vital and palpable in determining where your influence comes from, how you influence yourself, and only then how you influence your environment?
In other words, what is the source—not the execution—of influence?
3. Influence is more an internal process than an external one.
There’s a difference between human being and human doing.
Instead of having influence, become influential. Being influential begins with the inner process of listening to your intuition, your soul, and your sense of knowing. It’s the alignment of your soul, your mind and your response.
The soul and mind are the ‘being’ aspects of influence.
The outer aspect of influence is the ‘doing’ aspect.
At your fingertips (and inside your soul) is the information you need to focus and stay on track with your influence goals, the dynamics you need to understand, the people you’re influencing, and the traps. This is where you will see every possible influence angle in order to harness its power for your benefit.
Carnegie knew the secret of influence. And it comes from the inside out.
Karen Keller, Ph.D. is an expert in women's leadership and assertiveness training. She specializes in the skills of influence and persuasion, executive coaching, mentoring, sales techniques, management development training, personal life coaching, and corporate training. Discover the Real POWER for Women now!