This is a busy time of year for families. It seems that every activity has an end of the year event, so parents and children are hurrying to recitals, chorus and band concerts, ball games and graduations. Hopefully, these events bring pride, joy and satisfaction. I hope that your child is beaming from the stage, and that you are relishing the moment.
But all these extras can cause stress even for the more mature and resilient among us. Yesterday I got home in the late afternoon after a day of activities, and I got snappish when I heard that my young adult son was coming to dinner. Yikes, what would we eat? My husband wisely stayed calm and told me to take a nap. That reset my system and allowed me to enjoy the serendipity of the day. Dinner went fine.
• First consider yourself. You need to be resilient to help your children get through all the fun. Notice your own perfectionism and see if you can let go of it some. Try to get enough rest. Try to tune into your emotions and your body during the day. Are you tense, worrying about the event to come, having difficulty staying in the present? Take some deep breaths and try to stay in the moment. It is the only moment you really have any control over anyway. If there are activities that you know are renewing for you, try to keep them despite the busy schedule. Perhaps you meditate, walk the dog in a pleasant park, enjoy listening to music, or savor reading a mystery at bedtime.
• For many families with quirky kids all this change of routine can be very stressful. Here are some ways to manage the demands. If you have a child who is easily upset by changes in routine, try to anticipate with him. Be the planner for him. When you get the notice about the concert or whatever, put it on a family calendar. Preview the day with your family, preferable the night before. The fewer surprises the better.
• Let go of some of your own expectations about routine. You might eat a lot of take out for a week. Or if you are very good at planning, you might be able to take some dinners out of the freezer that you made ahead.
• Consider whether all of your children can manage the schedule. You might have a child who rolls with the punches and can smoothly move from event to event. But you might also have a child who does not do that well, or who might not enjoy his sister’s dance recital. Can you let go of family togetherness enough to hire a sitter for the child who would be unhappy and disruptive in the recital? You might need to divide and conquer.
• Also consider the stresses on the performers. Children who tend to get anxious and rigid under pressure can find the band concert or graduation worrisome. If this is the case, let the adults in charge of the event know so that they can be reassuring. Make sure that your child knows exactly what to do. Lastly, consider whether it is wise to invite the extended family to this event. Perhaps that would only put more pressure on your anxious child. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins can come for cake afterwards.
I hope that this gives you a few ideas to help ground yourself and your children in this season of celebration and transition.
Parent Coach and Licensed Psychologist, Carolyn Stone, Ed.D. (www.drcarolynstone.com) educates parents of children with learning disabilities, ADHD, Asperger Syndrome and anxiety about their children’s needs using humor and evidence-based practices. Parents learn new strategies through role play and homework. She teaches children to manage their anxiety and attention and to understand their learning styles. You can learn about Dr. Stone’s work from her blog at http://www.drcarolynstone.com/blog/.