Saturday was the first (and the biggest) costume party of the Halloween season around here. I went as the scariest thing I could think of: the New York Stock Exchange. Sadly, I didn't win the 'Scariest Costume' prize . . . I lost out to a store-bought devil. I'm not sure whether this particular devil was scarier because he was a product of the world economy (probably manufactured in China) or because he was a biblically-inspired manifestation of 'creatures from the id' (as in the 1956 sci-fi/horror film, Forbidden Planet). Either way, as a student of human nature, I found it fascinating that people would be more frightened of a manifestation of their own subconscious mythology than of the reality of losing their financial security for the foreseeable future. As Alice was wont to exclaim: "Curiouser and curiouser!"
The more I've been able to delve into the deeper regions of the midlife transition to find the motivator that supplies all the necessary psychic energy to power midlife crises in both women and men, I keep coming up with the same inexhaustible and eternally-renewable energy source: fear. Because this primordial fear of losing out (. . . on what? on life? . . . ), most people would rather deal with fantasy horror, like slasher movies and the scare-yourself-silly Stephen King genre than get down there where the real threats to your relationships, your career, and your personal health and well-being lie.
I'm no psychologist (but I am a fairly astute observer), still, I wonder why it's easier for some people (especially men) to deal with the grossest kinds of external threats than it is to sit down and tackle the real fears that are gnawing at your insides. Maybe it's because you know that you can shut your eyes at any time, or walk out of the theater, or turn the TV off if it gets too intense. You can't really do that with the monsters under the bed that have taken up residence in your subconscious mind. Isn't it just like when you were a very little kid? The adults could come in and turn the light on; you could see that the monsters were gone from where you thought they were; and the second the lights went back off and the adult left the room, you'd know it: they're baaaaaack!
Some people say that they love to be scared silly. Are you one of those? Here's a challenge: get quiet; go deep inside; look for what you're most afraid of with your primary relationship; now look again and see if you can find what most scares you about the economy, your career, and your financial condition; finally, go looking for yourself as a really, really old man or woman. BOO! There's scary for you! If you play those videos in your mind, you can't close your eyes, you can't turn it off, you can't walk away, you can't even just turn the lights on. So why not pretend that a costume-shop devil is the scariest thing in your world today?
Mastering the art of the midlife transition means focusing on what's really going on inside you. It means fearlessly bringing all those bogey-men out into the sunlight and taking a serious look at them. It means acknowledging yourself as exactly who you are, where you are, and where you're headed. It means taking responsibility for accepting yourself in your current condition, or for changing things so that your future will be different from your past. Nobody's going to tell you the right thing to do (although very many people are going to try). The training wheels are off, and, regardless of how much good advice you've received, it's time to steer your life on your own. Advice — even advice from acknowledged experts — always has one major drawback, you know: the advice-giver doesn't have to live with the consequences: you do.
It's nearly Hallowe'en, but the scary things that you see out there on the streets can't hurt you. It's the scary things you don't see hiding unacknowledged in the depths of your heart that can get you. It's midlife, and now its time to go after the monsters under your bed. After all, the devil probably won't get you this year . . . but the Dow Jones just might!
H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC grew up in an entrepreneurial family and has been an entrepreneur for most of his life. He is the author of The Frazzled Entrepreneur's Guide to Having It All. Les is a certified Franklin Covey coach and a certified Marshall Goldsmith Leadership Effectiveness coach. He has Masters Degrees in philosophy and theology from the University of Ottawa. His experience includes ten years in the ministry and over fifteen years in corporate management. His expertise as an innovator and change strategist has enabled him to develop a program that allows his clients to effect deep and lasting change in their personal and professional lives.