Be Authentic and True to Yourself

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.
—Henry David Thoreau

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
—Eleanor Roosevelt

So many of us spend the majority of our lives trying to please others. Usually, it starts at a very young age through interaction with our parents. We want them to be proud of us, but when we come home with a “B” and they ask why we did not get an “A.” our spirits are crushed. The child who is yelled at because he missed scoring the goal or for interrupting a conversation to show something he just created is heartbroken in that moment. I use these as examples, but I think you get the idea.

Our self-worth becomes attached to our performance, whether through academics, athletics, or in our professions. We come to believe that being loved depends on how well we perform, what we look like, how we dress, or what we own.

Somewhere along the way, our light has been extinguished, and we lose sight of the special gifts we brought with us into this world because we have buried them so deep to protect ourselves from being hurt any further.

Abandoning our dreams and desires because they did not fit the so-called normal path, we take jobs because we were conditioned to believe it was the safe and right thing to do. All the while, an ache to return to our true selves resides, and we continue our search to fill the void by looking elsewhere, in relationships, other people, and in our achievements.

We spend years, maybe the rest of our lives, trying to prove our worthiness to our parents, our bosses, our friends, and to others in our lives. Well, guess what? It cannot be done! It is an impossible task because what we are looking for is not outside ourselves.

I will say it again—what we are looking for is not outside ourselves!

My heart goes out to the young girls and women with low self-esteem who are being bombarded with messages that being thin or having large breasts makes them more desirable or acceptable. As a young girl lacking self-confidence in the 1970s, I would starve myself for days or weeks at a time in an attempt to model myself after the women on the hit show Charlie’s Angels.

It did not stop there: I went from being anorexic to bulimic right up until I was 30 years old. I have suffered some health problems over the years as a result of the damage I did to my body during those years. But thankfully, I survived, and I am now healthy, confident, and strong because I have learned to love, trust, and honor myself and to follow my own path.

The point is that we do stupid things, sometimes detrimental to our health and well-being, to mold ourselves into something we are not meant to be in a vain attempt to search for what is missing. In the process we lose out on realizing our true inner power and what we are meant to do.

The only real source of approval is found in the fountain within. If we want to love and trust ourselves at deeper levels, we must fully accept who we are. This requires acknowledging and accepting our positive qualities as well as the shadow sides.

When we truly know and appreciate every aspect of our beings, then we have the ability to trust our decisions and ourselves. As a result, we will follow our own paths and not ones that others have put upon us.

Are You Self-Accepting?
To help you determine your level of self-acceptance, respond to the following questions by writing down in your journal any thoughts or feelings they stir up.

1. Does my value as a person depend largely on what others think of me?
2. Do I use self-defeating methods as a way to reward myself either for a success or for getting through a rough period? For example, do I overeat, drink too much, or go on shopping sprees when I am already in debt?
3. Do I have difficulties receiving help or compliments with grace?
4. Do I see only flaws when I look at myself in the mirror?
5. Do I beat myself up when I make a mistake?
6. Do I feel that my life would be better if only I were smarter, better looking, or had more money?
7. Do I do things to nurture, strengthen, and relax my body and mind?
8. Am I able to turn to my friends or family for help when I need it?
9. Do I recognize and value my need for solitude or quiet time to reconnect with my Spirit?
10. Am I able to accept and express my vulnerable feelings of sadness, anxiety, or anger?

Take note whether you rely too heavily on other people’s opinions and find it difficult to assert or express yourself in your personal or professional life. Check in to see if you are so anxious to please others that you often ignore your own wants and needs, and begin to make changes by including activities to nurture your connection to Spirit.

Learn to be more tolerant of your mistakes if you find you are often self-critical and overly demanding with yourself. It is important to make the time to discover what is important in your life and what gives you the most satisfaction and joy.

If you are patient with yourself, have a well-developed sense of self, and treat yourself with love and respect, congratulations!

Increasing Your Connection to Self
Here are some ideas to improve your sense of self.

• We cannot emphasize enough how life-affirming and empowering journaling can be. So much of our time is spent doing things we “should” do and ignoring our inner calling. Connecting to your Spirit while writing in your journal will allow you to get in touch with your true self, and by listening to what comes up, you will begin to feel safe to explore new ideas or thoughts.

• Practice taking steps every day toward doing things that you value the most in your life, whether it is your health, your personal growth, or your relationships. Your true self will emerge with every small step you take toward recognizing and acting on your personal values.

• Replace self-criticism with kindness. Create a list of qualities you like and admire about yourself, and read it every day to remind yourself what an amazing person you are.

• Learn to celebrate every success, even the ones where you might not have done everything you set out to do. You tried; you gave it an effort, and that is worthy of a reward. Shout to the rooftops, “Yes!”

• Respect your newfound dreams or values by not allowing others to disrespect them. If you know someone will ridicule or criticize you, then avoid discussing these new dreams with that person until you develop the confidence in yourself that will keep you protected from negative forces coming toward you.

There is so much life to live. Do not waste another moment trying to live up to other people’s expectations. Discover your dreams, speak your truth, and surrender to them. Let the familiar solid ground beneath your feet transform into a fluid unknown force capable of letting you soar to unbelievable heights on the wings of angels. Hold your dreams in your arms, nurture them, and do not let them go. Your soul, your dreams, and your purpose are the reasons you exist.

Excerpted from SAY YES! Discover Your Dreams and Create a Life You Love.

** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways3.html