Most of us believe in the circle of life it stands for reason because that makes sense. We are born we grow and then we leave this world. For each of us it’s a completely different path that we walk. We may enter into each other’s lives for many different reasons, each time our life’s are either enriched or affected by that catch meeting. We may feel an affinity towards them because something about them draws our attention, these connections are meant to happen; it’s my own belief that they are on the same path on which we were meant to travel. They can often bring us pain simply because of cause and effect; in short they cause us to reassess our own lives, which without shadow or doubt is a walk back to a place we only ever enter gingerly. But least we forget at times during these chance meetings they also bring us happiness. The scales of life are weighted to bring a balance to our lives; nothing is without its problems right? Without enduring the pain that comes our way how could we feel the joy? It’s a kind of trade off a bartering system as such. When it seems to be that it’s our turn to remember that life comes with its own set of problems. Ones in which we feel as if we will never make it through. But in hindsight whilst looking back we already have, although a little battered and bruised. It’s how we learn through our experiences that matters most. We will for sure experience many difficulties and obstacles as we travel through life. What I am trying to say is that we have to walk that road, but we have it in our own control to choose how we do so. We can take many right turns in our life to make it through to the other side, whilst ultimately still completing that circle. We have no other choice but to continue walking, but the way we choose to walk it is our sacred privilege. Circles represent unity, wholeness, infinity without sides or corners. I have myself spent time watching TV where the program is all about the supernatural. It seems that once we are inside the circle we are safe from danger or bad influences. Some believe that once we have come to its ends meeting that we start again on our new journey of life. One thing I've learned is that life can take you to a place during this journey that is not even on the map, it’s a highway that seems to extend infinitely into the distance. But we must remember that circles come in all sizes so ultimately both ends have to meet.
What I am trying to convey, in which I hope I am achieving with some success, is that I have nothing but admiration for those that have suffered through abuse within that circle; they have found the courage and the strength to continue on with the knowledge that in time these ends will always meet. A circle is always a circle but when the bottom falls out and it becomes far more like a loop. Abuse is very much like that where quite frankly there are more hills to climb and further to fall. Changing the appearance makes it no less a circle it’s just no longer taut. So we learn to deal with the ups and downs until we are strong enough to take the strength we need from life. In truth we learn to trust just enough to take council from those around, sounds easy doesn't it? But that statement is far from easy. Trust is something that was ripped from us so long ago. But where there is bad good can also be found, where there is evil you will also find a good soul tucked up there in the corner just awaiting your arrival.
The above is true for us all but for some staying on this path takes immense courage to continue on. They have the ability to be brave whilst in the mix of great pain. The inside of the circle is always beyond their reach, a safe place seems never to be found. They face each day with the thought that staying on this path is just too frightening. The journey is weighted and so very heavy to carry, it’s the one thing they seem unable to but down no matter how they try. They have no other choice then to continue walking, or to descend down the spiral staircase beneath them. The only problem with this particular stanch is that at some point we all have to climb up and continue. We need to learn to carry this weight which has many names so let’s call it here our affliction; that I’m sure has raised many an eyebrow. But it’s one that was once used as a summery towards my own mental health along with many others. There are so many terminologies out there to choose from. Let’s share some of those labels here - baggage; there is one hell of a misconception of mental health all on its own. Chronic depression mentally challenged or a nervous breakdown, unstable, paranoia. We could continue on but we won’t fill this page up with phrases we have all heard at one time or another. So what is it thought of by others this affliction? Is it a dark past; something no one talks about willingly if at all. If spoken of it’s always said within a whisper. The strangest thing of all is that it seems some feel as if they are not able to talk about it with us, as if it were a secret that has to stay hidden. Least by speaking the words it somehow brings it to life, wow if only that were the case! For those that have travelled or are travelling the very difficult road abuse it is very much alive. No matter how people choose to attach a label so it can be filed neatly away, the only word true to its origin is the word abuse.
People enter into our lives daily and cannot fail to leave an impression of sorts. Some only stay for a short periods before they retreat. They are like butterflies only staying long enough to warm their wings. These people are meant to enter our lives during our journey; something is always left behind from any encounter nothing is by chance. So we hold close those things in which we need to continue, whilst leaving behind those things that will only make our journey harder to travel. I always think of those that I have met throughout my work as angels on this earth with only one wing, seeking camaraderie with those of our like where an alliance is formed. Ultimately In time this alliance becomes an aid with which we can learn to walk with, much like finding our other wing which then enables fight.
So if our path is marked out in front of us however unfair let’s walk that road with pride. Because armed only with the simple reality that you are sitting here reading trying to gain control of your own life, I have never been prouder of you..................
Teresa Joyce was born in 1958 the middle child of three. After losing her father at a very young age; it was to set the pattern for the rest of her life. Losing was something that she would have to get used to. Today she still has some memory of her father, but in truth it’s all a little hazy. Her mother through no fault of her own had no other alternative, then to return to her parent’s home with her children in tow. This family unit were to spend only a few years there, until the wind of change came around once more. Her mother was set to meet the man that was to become Teresa’s stepfather and they moved once more to a new city with the promise of a new life. Hopefully it would be a happy one for all concerned, but it became a place for Teresa that felt far more like a prison. Teresa swore to herself that she would leave all this behind her at the first possible occasion. She can still clearly remember the day that she left the family home and joined the Royal Air Force. It was just two months off her sixteenth birthday. Her stepfather had informed her that to remain living in his house, then she had to abide by his rules. This was a big decision for her to take being so young, but she could no longer live by any rules that he imposed. Never really understanding at that time what she was really running from. Memories were buried so deep that previous years and events were only a burr to her. Teresa’s Time spent while in the Royal Air Force was very rewarding, and she involved herself in all and everything possible. After meeting her now ex -husband whilst she was on leave, she left this all behind her and married. It was greatly missed and in retrospect, it would be something that she would live to regret many years later. Life as a married woman changed many things for her; the biggest of all would be the arrival of her son. Sadly after many years she found herself unable to stay within that marriage. The onset of a set of circumstances beyond her control would stamp its seal rendering the marriage unworkable. Engineered by the involvement of the one man Teresa had learnt to hate - her stepfather. The marriage was dissolved and there was no going back on her part, that door was firmly closed behind her. But there was one door she was unable to close, no matter how hard she pushed. During the last four years Teresa had and was still being stalked by her stepfather, whom to anyone acquainted with the facts was a complete madman. Events during that time are quite frankly very hard to believe, but believe it she must as it was her life during those years. Teresa’s thoughts at that time were that surly nothing could be in front of her that could put the resent past in the shade, but her life was set to make another turn from her envisaged path. It was to arrive in the form of an accident, which once again altered her life forever. After many months and many doctors reports she was ill health retired, unable to return to work in either one of her two loved occupations. Teresa was affected by this far more then she could have ever expected, she was left alone with nothing but time and still within the mix of a completely insane situation. She found herself delving deeper and deeper into her unconscious thoughts, revealing to her at that time memories which seemed so alien. It was at this point in her life that for her a trigger point had been reached, time had become the enemy. The lid on Pandora’s Box was about to be completely removed. Memories of her childhood abuse hit her with such force, that she could no longer do this alone and stay on this side of life. It was at this point that Teresa would enter into the mental health care system fully, to have any hope of dealing with everything going on around her. That care umbrella became a big part of her everyday life for many years.
Today that’s all just a memory firmly in a place that she can walk in and out of easily, without the fear of it affecting her everyday life. Her last hurdle was sharing her story with you.