10 Signs You Need A Detox From Wellness: A List

1. You don't remember the last time you actually read through an entire book that is completely devoid of bullet points or chapter summaries.

2. You have lost the ability to understand advice from friends unless it incorporates at least one nature-themed metaphor.

3. You were already on the vegan and vegetarian scene long before it got trendy. You refuse to eat honey (bee-enslavement) or wear silk (silkworm-exploitation), and eat only fruit that has dropped naturally from the limb of the tree (human intervention in the fulfillment of the fruit's personal journey towards enlightenment is absolutely forbidden).

4. You scoff at the wussies who are struggling with the 7-day Master Cleanse. It is already your everyday diet.

5. You always jam to your favorite song on your iPod: the deafening silence of infinity and universal truth.

6. You have been guilty of at least one of the following purchases in the last six months: energy crystals, aura photography, estate for your future utopian commune.

7. Not only do you ride a bike to work to reduce your carbon footprint, you have built the bike out of your own bare hands from bamboo. The bamboo was grown from your own backyard. Your house is made of blocks of straw bale.

8. You have your life coach / therapist on speed-dial. Same for your Guru, personal fitness trainer, ethics counselor, local PETA representative and Deepak Chopra.

9. You are beginning to lose track of all the different Selves and Spirits that you have discovered within yourself. (Or maybe They are the ones that are discovering You...)

10. Other people boycott McDonald's and Wal-Mart for not living up to ethical business standards. You boycott your local farmer's market.

(Bonus: You work full-time at Intent.com. Here's to wellness in moderation for everyone.)