5 Critical Steps to Effective Role Modeling - How to stay on track and inspire your children

I have noticed that, more often than not, an underlying question that many parents have is, "HOW can I be an effective role model?"

Parents who are on the path of conscious parenting have made a commitment to expand their awareness, examine their limiting beliefs and continue to create and sustain healthy, authentic connections with their children.

Sometimes, parents express that in spite of their efforts to instill positive, empowering attitudes, they feel that they are not able to always clearly demonstrate behaviors they wish to see in their children.

I would like to share a few tips that will support you in your efforts to become a more effective role model.

1) Don't worry about being perfect. Be authentic.

Your child can always sense the degree of your authenticity. Make a habit of watching how authentic you truly are with everyone and anyone in your everyday life.

Being authentic is taking accountability for who you are being. You are not wearing different "faces" for different people in your life. You are taking responsibility for what you are choosing to think and feel. You are reconnecting to a sense of self that is beyond your opinions or intellectual beliefs. You ask yourself regularly, "Am I being real in this moment?", "Am I being honest
with myself and how I am relating to others?" "If I could let go of blame, what would I really be feeling?"

These questions are effective because they remind you to
maintain a level of authenticity, that, with practice, becomes a powerful, positive habit.

2) Work with your partner as a team.

Sit down with your partner and decide together what issues you need to address. Are the two of you communicating effectively?

How do you relate and react to each other? How do you speak
to each other? Do you honor each others' perspective even if
you don't always agree? If you could magically be on the receiving end of YOUR parenting what would that feel and look like? Is there anything that you would change? How do you listen to each other? Think deeply about these questions and answer them as if your
child's future depended upon it.

Be mindful of how you interact with your partner. Your child is watching and taking cues from you on how to behave in the world and in relationships based on what you show him.

Your relationship with your partner is no longer about the two of you. You are the stars of the show that you put on every day in front of your children.

3) Engage yourself

If you wish to develop a certain interest with your children such as reading, writing, social skills, physical activities, etc., you can begin to engage in this activity yourself on a regular basis with the participation of your children. Engage yourself and enjoy.

Consistently read or write in their presence, engage in physical activities with them. Inspire them with the joy that you receive by engaging yourself in the areas that you would like to develop with them.

Be a joyful leader. Show them that there is meaning and merit in the activity. This does not mean to push them. Find creative ways to "show" and spend less time explaining why they NEED to dosomething.

4) Recognize Patterns

If you find that you are consistently "nagging" your child to do homework, clean up, finish chores, etc. Recognize that you are stuck in a pattern. How would you respond to nagging? Most people shut down and shut off. The result of nagging leads to disappointment and resentment.

When you develop authentic relationships with your child, you will see much more cooperation. Instead of nagging, "dig deep" and become a detective. Find out what your child is dealing with or feeling. Nagging will never get you the long term results that you want. Your child will continue to shut you out.

This does not mean that you tolerate behavior that is void of responsibility or cooperation. Instead of nagging, have a
conversation with your child that is authentic. You are not begging, you are providing choices. You can also voice consequences that will be carried out, not with malice or anger, but with calm certainty.

The consequences are not carried out because you are the "boss" but because there is mutual respect that needs to be honored in a family.

Make sure that you honor and respect your child as well as
asking for it.

5) Look for opportunities

Be on the look-out for opportunities, as they arise, to demonstrate the beliefs that you wish to instill. Stop focusing on what is going wrong unless you want to keep inviting that into your experience.

If you are sad, lonely, upset or angry, then be that. Watch the emotions as they arise in you and let them be there without reacting to them.

Don't pretend not to "feel bad" if that is how you are feeling in the moment. Stay present to the feeling as an observer. Do not dwell on your feelings by telling your story over and over.

By observing negative emotions, without feeding them with
energy, by reacting to them, you will notice that they dissolve much more quickly.

Spend less time telling your child how they should be and show them how you are able to create experiences for yourself that you love. Share your inspiring stories.

Recognize your abilities, "I am loving and nurturing parent." Decide to work on your weaknesses and stick to it.

Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your partner, and your children. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself when you feel that you have made a mistake and go back and do what you can to "clean it up". It is okay to ask your child to forgive you if it is appropriate. This does not make you weak, it makes you
responsible.

Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Take time to take care of yourself.

Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy either alone or with your partner. When you show that your well-being is important as well, you are teaching your child the importance of balance.

Being an effective role model is a large part of conscious parenting but it is not the whole of it. To understand what your limiting beliefs are and to uncover how to create a life that inspires your child, practice and repetition is required. This journey has no end, it is
a constant unfolding of expanding awareness.