***The 5 Things You Should NEVER Say to Your Spouse

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By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Just as important as saying the right thing to the one you love is to avoid saying statements that have the potential to destroy the foundation of the relationship. Saying just one wrong thing can negate an entire day of good statements and actions. Negative and hurtful statements can have the power to cut through the very fabric of the bond between two people in love.

Here are those five things you should NEVER say to your spouse:

1. It’s your fault! Sometimes, a financial decision goes bad, one of your children gets in trouble at school, or some household calamity occurs. And know this – things do go bad from time to time in any relationship. Decisions turn out wrong. Stuff happens! But the blame game never works! It alienates. It divides. It most certainly undermines trust and openness in your relationship.?

2. I told you so! Trust us on this – these four words are rarely ever used in successful marriages. This kind of “comeuppance” has no place in a loving relationship. There is no need to remind your spouse that you were right about something and they were wrong. Talk about wasted criticism!?

3. Saying “I am upset with you about this or that . . . .” in a public setting. Telling private secrets or criticizing your spouse in public or to someone else can do permanent damage to the trust in your relationship. True or not – it doesn’t matter. Keep private things private.?

4. Why do you always . . . Focusing on your spouse’s weakness rather than building on their strengths will only increase their weakness and diminish their strength. This habit can send a relationship into a downward spiral if weaknesses are pointed out and commented upon. Success does breed success. Stick with the strengths and don’t focus on weakness.?

5. Ask for your spouse’s opinion and then do the opposite. We have heard from many angry divorced or almost divorced couples that this is the greatest indicator of “disrespect.” If you ask where your spouse wants to go to dinner and he/she suggests a couple of places, then you select a different one, by your actions you said, “I do not respect your opinion and don’t care what you think!”

Since saying negative or hurtful things can be damaging to a loving relationship, it is wise to take extra caution before engaging your mouth when these negative thoughts come into your mind.

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

For hundreds of practical tips to strengthen your love, get the best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold. Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Author's Bio:

As America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With 27 years of research on love and successful marriage across six continents of the world and their own 43-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.

Get started with America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts by taking their Marriage Quiz or sending your questions to Ask the Doctors for Marriage Advice.

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Lee418

this a good article to remind us married couples to love and respect each other - ALWAYS. I am guilty of all of these things and I am thankful for this article to give me that wake up call before it's too late! thank you for this!

Prof. George Grant (Nutrition)

Good Article. Thanks.

chintu marri

great tips...thank you

Eman Kassem (Teenagers and Parenting)

great words thank you

Debs de Vries (Meditation)

Thank you so much: more please- it's so good to read that there are things that just don't have a place in a loving relationship. If you have been raised around that sort of unkind, critical language, it's very inspiring to hear from two, married 'experts' that they wouldn't behave in that way. Debs de Vries (Meditation and Wellbeing)

Teresa Christian (Transformation)

Well said Debs! I completely agree with what you said! Also, as much wisdom goes, the idea is simple, but hard to apply.

Do Ngoc Vinh

oh, it is great,thank so much

maryalice_golden@yahoo.com

thanks

Jimm Yim (Personal Development)

Thank You for sharing..

Jennifer Ross-Taylor (Intimacy)

Interesting how we can all identify with these "never say" statements! Thank you for the article

Charles Schmitz

Justin, we will say this -- we have studied successful marriage in 43 countries on six of seven continents of the world, and the advice we reported in our article above is what THEY tell us. Since these summarize the comments of thousands of successfully married couples around the world, we will go with their conclusions. Thanks. Charley and Liz

Justin Criner (General Self Help)

I might need to be a little more clear. First, I don't like the word "fault" and don't think that people in relationships should go around fault finding. We all have faults but its not our place to point them out to others. We are all in 100% control of our own lives. This is something I absolutely believe and teach. So the truth is, it is our fault. What we did, we created. The problems, and also the SUCCESS that we have are our "fault."

When something goes wrong in my business or in my personal life then it really is my fault. I don't say this in a way to cause guilt, but it a way to know that I am the one that can fix it. So, in a relationship its very easy to always point fingers at the other person. This is very destructive. As a counselor to relationships I would encourage people to look at how that person created the bad relationship. So I would say, It's your fault, how can you fix it. Now I would not use the word fault, because I don't think its the best word for that, but I would explain that they created the problem, that they can't fix the other person, and that they can fix themselves, so what can they do to learn, grow, and create the relationship that they want.

Chip Esajian

Wonderful wisdom. If we build a more victorious unlimited belief system in our lives, the journey towards what your saying is much easier. Justin said also Creating the powerful mindset to take responsibility and not blame your spouse or anyone else and to give room for grace and mercy because we to will have our moments! LOL! Love the post! “If you don’t work your mind, your mind will work you, so create extraordinary abundance”-Chip Esajian

Laura Briney

Hello, You don't know me but I live with Melody. I was cruzzing the nternet and saw your name and recognized it from her talking about you and the book your writing. I like your response. How exactly do you create extrodinary abundance? I have been out of work 1 1/2 yrs now and it is getting the better of me. I get so down, like a lot of people I'm sure. I'm not the only one in this situation. Bless her heart, Melody is always giving me advice on job hunting. She fixed up my resume a bit. She is a real go getter. I wish I had her confidence. I am very insecure and co-dependent and emotional. I am going on too long, I don't even know you, just of you. Sorry. I was just going to say I liked your response, and away I went. Take Care Good luck with your book. Laura.

Ryan Seth

Excellent tips. I think if everyone reading this really follow this to the letter then we will all have excellent marriage life. Thanks for sharing

I mostly agree, however we all need to take 100% responsibility for our own actions. Sometimes people need to be reminded that they caused the difficulty they are going through, and they can over come the difficulty as well. This has to be done in a good and correct way, but people must feel empowered to be in control of their own lives, and if its "not your fault" then you have no control, if it is your "fault" then you have 100% control. Now the word fault could be changed and the delivery of the statement could be done better, but the concept is that sometimes people need to hear that they caused t he problem.