7 Principles for Everlasting Happiness: Reverse Psychology Happiness

1. Decrease your exercise. As a matter of fact, do everything in your power to not exercise, ever. The shorter distance it requires to get from Point A to Point B, the greater imperative there is to avoid any physical exertion. Example: taking the escalator for one flight of stairs. 2. Eat only junk food. Let your imagination go wild and try different combinations. Dip your Snicker Bar ice cream in popcorn butter. Spread cream cheese and Nutella on your Flamin' Hot Cheetos. For more inspiration, visit the food blog This is Why You're Fat. 3. Spend more time on the internet. Every day, make a new goal to upgrade your online social status. Maybe you want 100 new Twitter followers by the end of the day. Or 5 uninitiated pokes from your Facebook friends in the next three hours. Whatever you do, stay focused on one goal at a time. 4. Go to more parties and bars. Make a serious commitment to engage in more mundane chit-chat with casual acquaintances and strangers in bars on your week nights, especially if they are pseudo-celebrities or aspiring sketch comedy writers. 5. Read only self-help books. Consider taking a fictional literature cleanse for the next 365 days. Every new book and article you read on personal development will bring you one step closer to enlightenment. 6. Get a lot of money in your checking account. The possibilites are limitless. Win the lottery. Inherit a fortune from a relative. Monetize your celebrity photo blog. Sign a book deal for your harrowing experience of giving birth to 8 babies at the same time. 7. Do all your normal day-to-day activities at least 50% faster. This accounts for everything--from brushing your teeth to driving to work. For a list of real happiness articles, click here .