7 Tips For Positive Conversations

Words have great power! They set the stage for our friendships, for our successes and for our happiness in life. Yet, often we are unaware of the impact we have on others by way of speaking. Have you ever noticed how some people posses the ability of making you feel so alive during a conversation? While others leave you feeling drained and depleted? What are the ingredients of a truly amazing conversation? How can we elevate people with your words? Pondering these questions today while preparing for a radio show, I came up with a list of 7 communications tools that will positively impact your conversations:

• Relax & Listen– First off, calm down, relax and don’t worry whether you have something interesting to say or not. This can be hard since its easy to fall into the trap of wanting to look good, sound smart and be overall likable :) . Instead, let the other person talk, and listen. Simply let go and follow the flow of the conversation. Finding the right timing is key, since some people like to talk more than others. Pause between sentences and be careful not to overpower someone with your words.
• Be Interested – Be interested in the person across from you. Get a feel for who she is, what she wants to say, what she wants to hear. You don’t have to ask many questions to get to know someone. Sometimes it is better to be quiet. Everybody is brilliant and with your attention you can bring out the best in another person.
• Be Honest – One of the rules in blogging is ‘be honest’ – don’t make stuff up that isn’t true, don’t pretend to be something you are not. This works when talking to others as well. Be real. This is not the place for vanity or bragging.
• Yield – Yielding is subtle and very powerful. It is the opposite of arguing and it is a way of making someone right by accepting their point of view. This does not mean that you agree with them, rather you accept what they say. During the 2008 presidential debates, Barack Obama did a beautiful job of making his opponents right most of the time and because of it all the power went to him.
• Acknowledge – Acknowledgment is a power tool! Here you take it up a notch from yielding. Not only do you make someone right, you also express what is right about them. Acknowledgment is saying what is. You don’t make things up. You honestly acknowledge what someone says or does that works for you. For example saying ‘This is a valuable point’, or, “The way you explain this issue makes it very easy to understand’, are acknowledgments. People love to be acknowledged and if you use this in your conversations, you will see an immediate impact in the harmony and easy you are able to create.
• Serve – While talking to someone, find out how you can serve them. Get engaged, offer support. How can you help? The way I see it, each conversation is an opportunity to make a difference in someones life. This does not mean you have to come across like a preacher. Maybe you read something in the paper that morning that could be of interest, or, maybe you know someone who you can refer. Mention it! Now you can give of yourself and to me, that is the best part.
• Don’t have the final word – A great way of ending a conversation is to let the other person have the final word. You can express your thanks and acknowledge how much fun it has been for you and then let them end the conversation. This is a feel good all around and who would not like that?

As always, thank you for reading! I’d love to find out what you have discovered when speaking to others. Your insights and experiences are always appreciated.