7 Tips to Help Your Loved One in an Abusive Relationship

We often hear friend’s and family members of domestic abuse victims express frustration over their loved one’s choosing to remain in their abusive relationships. This is understandable. Question is how can they help the abused? In working with families over the years, I find the best thing to remind them of is the importance of helping the abused build the intra-psychic infrastructure to carry on beyond the abusive relationship.nnWhat Is Intra-psychic Infrastructure? Intra-psychic infrastructure is the mental and emotional self-sufficiency that is necessary to see and believe in oneself beyond the abusive relationship. It is the “soft“ more intangible element that supports breaking the cycle of abuse. It is the psycho-social-emotional piece often left out when we address the question of, why doesn’t she/he just leave? nnHow You Can Help Your Loved One Build Intra-psychic Infrastructure? 1) Always meet someone where they are, NOT where you want them to be. 2) Allow whatever and where ever they are to have a voice that is authentically their own voice. 3) Suspend judgment of your loved one’s choices regardless of whether these very choices would or wouldn’t be yours. 4) Maintain this atmosphere of permission and acceptance, while providing as much information as possible to educate and inform about domestic violence resources. 5) Help your loved one hear their own inner voice by directing attention to their personal feelings and feeling states. 6) Be an unwavering source of support to encourage this person hearing and being themselves. 7) Trust no one wants to hurt, nor do they genuinely believe they deserve to be abused. BONUS TIP... Acknowledge and celebrate every step toward self-sufficiency and self-honoring no matter how small or inconsequential it may seem. Each step one takes toward self-respect is a step away from those who fail to provide the same regard.