"Experiences From 'The Flow' (12) - Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues."

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”nn*Below is the twelfth episode in a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008. In the previous article, “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: Are you in (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!,” we discussed one of the two main reasons why relationships fail: Communication. This article will deal with the other main cause of relationship failure: Incompatibility. Please Note: I acknowledge the fact that Western/Asian relationships don’t always consist of a Western Man and an Asian Woman. There are many Western Woman/Asian Man relationships, as well as Man/Man and Woman/Woman couples out there. But, since the overwhelming majority of Western/Asian couples are composed of a Western Man and an Asian Woman, this article addresses their issues and assumes that they are the primary audience for the information submitted below.nn- Square Peg, Round Hole? - Compatibility: the degree in which you and your partner are similar in temperament, well-suited for each other, well-matched, like-minded, etc. But how do you gauge compatibility if you don’t really know what you want first? Ideally, BEFORE you enter into any relationship, especially a Western/Asian relationship, KNOWING WHAT YOU REALLY WANT is vitally important. It’s Primary Mission #1. If you’re already in a Western/Asian relationship, you still must hash out clearly in your mind what you really want. Otherwise, you certainly will become another statistic, another failed Western/Asian relationship. And you are doing a great disservice to yourself (and your partner) if you don’t identify what YOU REALLY WANT from the relationship FROM THE OUTSET. How do you expect your partner to meet your needs if you don’t know EXACTLY what those needs are? Additionally, you should periodically compare your current state of affairs with your original list to see if the relationship is going in the right direction. If not, is your relationship going down the tubes? Why? Can you pinpoint the problem? Have your needs and desires changed drastically? Should you get out before it’s too late? Or is it salvageable? Without this knowledge, you might as well try jamming a square peg into a round hole. It just won’t fit. And the resulting frustration, energy wasted, and money spent can leave you angry, depressed, heartbroken, bitter, and disillusioned. So, what do you want? Really. WHAT?nn- A Common List - Below is a list of things (needs, desires, etc.) that men commonly want from women. By no means is this list all-inclusive. Look at the list and see which items apply to you. You’ll be using these choices later to build your own, personalized list. 1. Sex with no accompanying relationshipn2. Sex with a strong relationshipn3. Companionshipn4. Spiritual Partnern5. An Atheistn6. Friendshipn7. A Caretakern8. A Recipient of Caren9. An Ego Boostern10. A Trophy Escortn11. A Maid and Cookn12. A Mother for his progenyn13. A Wifen14. A Dominatrixn15. A Sadistn16. An Intellectualn17. A Simple-Minded Womann18. An Athleten19. A Modeln20. A “Girl Next Door”n21. A Linguistn22. A Younger Personn23. An Older Personn24. Securityn25. FreedomnnThe list of personal preferences can go on and on. Everyone is different with varied, individual needs and desires. For example, someone might prefer a partner who is interested in (or shares) a certain hobby, activity, or sport. Another person may want a partner with a particular personality (e.g., introvert vs. extrovert). And still others may feel strongly about appearance (i.e., slim/fat, tall/short, blond/brunette, European/Asian, etc.). The point is this: You have to think hard and decide which items should be on YOUR LIST.nn- Aside: In Retrospect - Before you begin building your own list, here’s an aside: If I had gone through this process outlined in these articles before (or during) my last relationship, I could have avoided 99% of the headaches and heartache. Armed with a clear list of things I wanted from my partner beforehand, I would have seen the obvious: We were incompatible. She was unwilling to meet (and most likely, incapable of meeting) my needs; and I, hers. If I knew what I really wanted and needed, I would have been able to take a step back and see the sad state of affairs - before it was too late. I would not have stubbornly escalated my commitment to the point of no return (meaning: fearing to cut my losses because I’d invested so much of my time, money, and emotions into the relationship). We would have ended the relationship much earlier and on better terms. All the negative experiences could have been reduced (or totally avoided). But the “good” thing about the “bad” things from my last relationship is that I now know what I DON’T WANT; hence, it’s easier to identify what I DO WANT. I don’t want a liar. I don’t want a cheat. I don’t want an immature brat. I don’t want a slob. I don’t want a spendthrift. I don’t want a slacker. I don’t want a sofa lizard whose only mental stimulation is television. And I don’t want an Escape Artist/Disappearing Act Specialist! What I do want is an honest, person who is tidy and shares in the overall housework. I want someone who can save money and spend wisely. I want someone who enjoys being around me (friendship). I want someone who shares a mutual belief in telling each other about our whereabouts - not to control each other, but to minimize genuine worry. I want a patient, understanding woman. I want a woman who is keen to learn new things and see different places. Honesty, neatness, financial responsibility, thoughtfulness, companionship, friendship, humor, and fidelity are all items on my own personal list of needs and desires. And I’m grateful to say that I now get all of these and more from my partner. This is largely due to completing the process described in these articles (i.e., communication, honest introspection, brutal questioning and blunt answering, list building, prioritizing, and interpretation - before entering into [and during] the relationship.).n nOkay, enough about my situation. Let’s get back to yours.nn- Your List - Take the items that apply to you from the Common List above and begin adding your own, particular preferences. The goal is to personalize Your List with as many of your needs and wants that you can think of. Brainstorm. Use your imagination. At this stage, don’t be afraid to be “unrealistic.” Reality checks are built into this process and are further down the line. This step’s main objective is to help you gain insight into your true wants and needs WITHOUT any personal censorship. Come on. It’s just you and me here; so go ahead. You can be as bizarre as you want! If you have a “need” for a pornstar-looking, librarian who guzzles your favorite beer, collects rare Sumerian amulets, and plays a great game of golf; put it on Your List! Next Step?nn- Prioritize -nn(Continued in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’(13) - Farang: Compatibility Issues II.”) “Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!” Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life, Carl “J.C.” PantejonnFarang, Asia, language, communication, differences, language, relationship, compatibility, mutual, comprehension. Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles: “Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES...” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) - Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.” “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now! “How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive” “Remember Who You Are!” “Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”n n(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”) Copyright February 2008nPantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com