Body Freedom Exercise (15): Touch Time

Time for Exercise: 20 minutes to several hours

Properties Required: water, oil, or silicone lubricants (optional)

Steps:

1. Set aside a special lovemaking time for learning about how you each like to be touched.
2. Decide who will touch and who will be touched.
3. The toucher says, “I am going to touch you in two different ways. Tell me which you prefer, A or B?”
4. Begin your exploration using two different touches in various places on and inside your lover’s body. Ask her to tell you which of the two touches she prefers.
5. If you find a touch your lover really enjoys, give it a name. Be creative and daring. You will begin to establish a common touch vocabulary for playful and easy communication during lovemaking. Next week you might hear you lover fervently gasp, “Oh darling, please give me the ice cream cone!”

Variations:

Take turns giving and receiving the touches.

Comments:

With sexual touching, you don’t apply the Golden Rule of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Everyone likes to be touched differently, and you can’t possibly know in advance how your lover likes to be caressed. Even highly skilled lovers must learn how to touch each new partner.

This playful technique eliminates the problem of ego sensitivity to perceived criticism. If you think you are being criticized or rejected for the way you are touching your lover, you might experience feelings ranging from mild embarrassment to full blown shame and varying degrees of low self-esteem. The “touch-me process” eliminates all the responses that say “no,” “not like that,” “I don’t like that,” “You are doing it wrongly,” etc. The feedback you give your lover is always positive, never negative.