Bully Proof Your Children: 10 Powerful Strategies to Stop Bullies In Their Tracks.

All parents want their children to be popular. We want them to be confident and relaxed in company and to be able to deal with a whole variety of people. We can’t always be there with them to show them how to do it. Even when they are quite young and playing with friends, there will be times ...All parents want their children to be popular. We want them to be confident and relaxed in company and to be able to deal with a whole variety of people. We can’t always be there with them to show them how to do it. Even when they are quite young and playing with friends, there will be times when children don’t get on. How can you help your child to manage relationships with other people, some of whom may be actively hostile?

Sometimes things go wrong between children because of inexperience, while at other times a young person may be knowingly unkind. You do not want to frighten your child and make them anxious in company and you don’t want them to believe that the world is full of scary people. However you do want your child to be able to recognise unacceptable behaviour and to know how to deal with it and if necessary seek adult support.

Here are the top 10 strategies to give your child the confidence to handle bullying and to get out of the line of fire safely and with their dignity in tact.

• Make sure your child knows what is fair and acceptable behaviour. This provides security. Once they have a strong sense of right and wrong from how life is managed at home they will be able to speak up when treated unfairly.

• Make sure your child can recognise the sneakier types of bullying and intimidation. Young children sometimes think bullying is hitting and name calling but being cold shouldered or receiving hostile looks and gestures can be very hurtful. Not all bullying is face to face and cyber bullying is a modern version of taunting a child and undermining their confidence. Your child needs to know that you will not accept someone saying something to them that is designed to upset them. Make an agreement with your child that you want to know when they are unhappy so that you can solve any problems together.

• Your child also needs some guidance on how to react when things go wrong. Children who bully will often move on from a potential victim who is unmoved by their actions. An air of confidence can be sufficient to discourage a would be bully who is looking for reaction.

• Build your child’s confidence and self esteem so that these attempts to undermine them have less impact. Discuss with your child what their strengths and positive qualities are so that they have a strong sense of their own achievements.

• Get things into the open. If the bullying happens at school, contact staff and ask them how they will use their anti bullying strategies to redress the situation. Look for a specific action that will be taken. Don’t accept the reassurance that there is a policy and such behaviour is discouraged. If there has been an incident it is reasonable for you to want the school to take action. This may be fact finding and talking to all concerned. Most incidents are do not take place in front of staff but student behaviour is part of what makes a school a happy safe place to be. Schools need to be proactive and constantly working to raise the standards of behaviour.

• Talk to other parents but avoid hostility. A neutral conversation about how children who have been being unpleasant to each other can learn to manage their feelings better may be more likely to get results. Even if you know your child is entirely blameless, you are more likely to get results if you work together.

• Talk to your child so that you can both understand what sparked the incident. This is not intended to excuse the behaviour but to recognise the factors which trigged the bullying. This understanding can help your child be more resilient to any future situations. Many children who are bullied do find it helpful to know that it is not their fault. Perhaps the other child has chosen to mistreat others to make themselves feel good. They may lack the skills to be powerful in a more positive and useful way. This does not excuse the behaviour but it takes the guilt away from the victim.

• Increase your own child’s power by making them feel important and ensuring that they know that people will listen to them and notice and value their achievements.

• Help them to bolster their friendships with other children so that they have a strong social network. Bullies often seek out children at times when they are vulnerable. Being busy and with several companions reduces the opportunity for bullies to strike.

• If your child’s difficulties persist don’t give up on what you have been doing so far. Change usually takes time. If the school is involved, ask them what else they can do and who else could become involved. They will have staff responsible for pupil welfare and support that can talk to other staff and monitor the situation. Schools can also access specialist support from Children’s Services in your local area.