I've often discussed the issue of the rights of lesbian “social mothers”–women who agreed to employ a sperm donor so that they could have children with their lesbian partners, who are the biological mothers.

I do believe that children fare best when they have both a mom and a dad, and that fathers offer much to children that mothers don’t provide. However, this is not possible in lesbian couples.

When two lesbians agree to have a child together, and when the child has bonded with both his or her biological mother and his or her social mother, I believe that the relationship between the child and the social mother should be protected. I also believe that the biological mother has a responsibility to her children and to her former partner to hold up her end of the deal with the partner with whom she created the child, and that courts should hold her to her commitment.

These cases are now becoming routine. When the relationship goes sour, the lesbian biological mom does to her ex exactly what heterosexual mothers so often do to their ex-husbands--drive her out of her child’s life. When heterosexual women do this, our society makes excuses for them and assumes that the ex-husband must have done something bad to merit it. With these lesbian breakups we can see the truth much clearer--some women (straight or gay) are vindictive, and this vindictiveness drives them to purge their exes from their children’s lives.

The article below details the latest in the Lisa Miller-Janet Jenkins custody battle, which I have covered on numerous occasions. The former couple joined in a same-sex civil union in Vermont in 2000 and had a child together in 2002. After their breakup, Miller, the biological mother, moved to Virginia with their daughter Isabella, won sole custody, and excluded Jenkins from the girl's life.

Jenkins had been involved in Miller's pregnancy from the beginning, was present in the delivery room, worked to support the family, and played an important role in Isabella's life.

Following their breakup, Jenkins was granted visitation rights but Miller refused to comply. Jenkins has pursued a long, hard legal battle to get back in her daughter's life.

From Lisa Miller Held in Contempt of Court for Refusing Child Visitation to Former Lesbian Lover (LifeSiteNews, 10/29/08):

Lisa Miller, a woman who has repudiated the lesbian lifestyle, was held in contempt of court yesterday for refusing to allow child visitation for her former lesbian lover, Janet Jenkins.

Miller, 40, says she decided to discontinue the court-ordered visitations following accounts by her six-year-old daughter, Isabella, of being forced to bathe naked with Jenkins, 44. Miller also reports that her daughter expressed the desire to commit suicide, and experienced other disturbing behavioral changes following visits with Jenkins.

Although the judge deferred any determination regarding punishment, he ordered new visitation dates for Jenkins during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, despite being informed of sworn testimony from counselors and other witnesses containing evidence that the visits are damaging to the child...

Read the full article here.

Notice several common themes:

1) Miler has violated court orders on numerous occasions but isn't punished.

2) Miller goes into a fake "visits with my ex are harming my child" routine, when the only possible harm is caused by Miller's hysteria & animus towards her ex, and the fact that she cut the child off from her ex for so long.

3) Obviously false charges--a six-year-old wants to commit suicide?

4) As in the cases of Michelle Kulstad, Sara Wheeler, and numerous others, the lesbian biological mother is so vindictive that she has employed an anti-gay group to legally pursue her vendetta against her ex.

5) Notice how the religious right--who some of my readers insist are our friends--plays along with every bit of Miller's cruel, alienating, and vindictive behavior.

To learn more about these cases in general, see my co-authored column Lesbian child custody battles and heterosexual divorce (World Net Daily, 8/5/08). To learn more about Miller-Jenkins, click here.

Author's Bio: 

Glenn Sacks is a men's and fathers' issues newspaper columnist, radio commentator, and blogger. His radio commentaries appear daily on KLAA AM 830 in Los Angeles.