It is said that one of the qualities of long-term marriages is friendship. After the initial honeymoon period and the glow of riding off into the sunset together is beginning to wear off, what’s left? For many couples, the “what’s left” isn’t enough to continue to live by the vows that were taken on that momentous occasion when a union took place.

Instead, experts say long-term marriages are becoming as rare as the Green Sea Turtle that has traveled the seas for over 100 million years, outliving almost all of the prehistoric animals. It has monumental obstacles to overcome, just as in many marriages, if it is to survive.

Many couples embark on holy matrimony not having done their homework—cleaning out the cobwebs of their past. Instead they bring to their partner, possibly an unwillingness to forgive their father, or even resentments towards a mother who didn’t fit their pictures and the jealousy from childhood for a sibling who was simply doing their life.

Just as when you fill a glass with water and one more drop added to it will cause an overflow, couples of today, 2007, are staying together until that last drop occurs. For example, a woman knew after ten years her marriage wasn’t working but it took 31 for her to choose a new path and divorce.

According to an AARP survey, 66% of women reported asking for a divorce compared to 41% of men. The reasons to name a few, include infidelity, lack of being emotionally unavailable, reevaluation of career choices, and the children have left the nest. Many couples stay together “because of the children,” even though it is obvious the children would have preferred to grow up in home without constant bickering, make-wrongs and lack of mutual respect. Women appear to view the next chapter as a rebirth, an awakening, and an opportunity, in lieu of buying a fancy red sports car, travel or denial, while men tend to embrace a crisis type of mentality, feeling insecure and unsteady. Many suffer because of their loneliness, which has been a reason they’ve remained in the marriage.

Of course, this is painting with a broad brush. Each case scenario is unique, although it appears there is a central thread that runs through the fabric of unfulfilled lives, whether or not one is married and that is the lack of self-love. No one person can meet our needs, because we are of the human species. Yet we expect so much from our mate. At birth, we expressed our joy for life just because- but over the course of adulthood, sadly we lost touch with our true nature.

When we believe we are whole, total and complete and need nothing outside of ourselves to make us happy, life most likely will shift. As part of the shift, that energy will draw its likeness and you may just find yourself in that relationship you have desired for many years. Yes, being in relationship can be magical, enchanting and meaningful. We learn about ourselves through relationships if we’re open to receive the lessons.

Speaking of lessons, more “Life Change Lessons” can be viewed by visiting There are other items there to help you improve your ability to have healthier relationships. Learn and grow and choose to allow your fears and worries to fall away.

Author's Bio: 

Alexandra is President of ABC Feelings and The Attitude, which are organizations she founded to encourage communication of feelings. In addition, she is a transpersonal psychologist in Sun Valley, ID and adjunct faculty at Boise State University. VicToria Freudiger, is an associate at ABC Feelings where she works in marketing, sales and management for Dr. Abrams. She is also founder and publisher for Entry Way Marketing and Publishing and resides in Texas. Author can be reached at 800.745.3170, ABC Feelings, Inc., Copyright July 2007.