Dealing with Sadness and Depression

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Question:

My husband and I met while we were both on the rebound and were both doing a lot of partying which continued far too long into our married life. We both did quit our bad habits however in the following years I focused on the kids and their activities and he worked more hours. Now all the children have moved on and I continually feel alone in a house with 2 people. We don't share any common interests and I think the love has gone out of the relationship for me. I am afraid beyond comprehension of making a wrong decision and asking for a trial separation. I did once before and was met with an ultimatum so I backed off. The economy is one of the reasons for my choice as I don't earn enough to support myself. I have also been through periods of anxiety and depression and because I am going through perimenopause I have experienced many ups and downs in my energy and moods. My father also suffered from major depression.

At times I feel so overwhelmed with sadness that I think I need to be alone to sort out things. The next day I may feel better. I am afraid that once I make a decision that there will be no turning back. I question myself so much. Am I being immature and expecting too much? How can I know the answer? I realize this isn't a yes or no situation but I need guidance as I feel my health is suffering. I have no zest for life anymore. I am too far into the forest to see the trees. Please help.

Answer:

The sadness you are experiencing now is coming from you, not your husband, so I’m not sure that a trial separation will help. I wouldn’t say you are being immature or expecting too much, but you may be looking in the wrong place thinking that being alone is going to automatically provide you with the clarity and guidance to find your way out of depression and lovelessness. It’s even possible that this relationship provides you with an element of support that might be essential to your recovery.

You may benefit greatly by seeing a therapist who can help you deal with the pain underlying your depression. Ideally you will want to see someone who can offer you a holistic regime that includes diet, exercise, meditation, cognitive therapy, and creative expression as primary modalities to help you use this period of your life to make a quantum leap in your spiritual growth.

Love,
Deepak

Author's Bio:

Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.

Tiara Cottingham

I used to think meds were not the way to go until I was off them for 6 years. During the first year or so I was ok; I thought I had proved myself right. But the last few years have gotten progressively worse mentally despite everything in my life being pretty ok. I know that true feeling of utter sadness that just pops up at random that you just don't know what to do with it. I don't know if meds are the answer still, but I am a little more apt to try them now than I was before. I'd like to find a more holistic approach though; I find I am happiest when I feel like I'm doing something good for myself (and others).

Mahbub Alam

With my life's exeprience I have learned that the greatest challenge in life is not how to celebrate succes or achievement rather how cope with the disappointments and shortcomings. Afterall life is full of such challenges while the success and happiness is always around the corner but needs to be identified, pursued and achieved. Depressaion is a state of mind which is best dealt with a customised strategy rather than drugs or a given program. One needs to recognise the things that make one happy. Often exepctation management is very improtant.

Acharya Shastri (Love)

You Both are check your Hemoglobin by a doctor or lab. As per my knowledge its below then average.

Yok SooHoo

good advice, sometimes you're so used to focusing your attention on other people doing busy work and we forget to take time for ourselves. the children being grown and moving away just makes it more clearer.

Ather ul Haq

Nice article, I am agreed. Sadness is the reaction of not completing your unwanted and un-realistic desires, and mainly it is creating a complex network which attracts all thougts of sadness from the universe. Thinck positive and make a true relationship with GOD. Bless you.

rupa_lahiri@hotmail.com

Yes its good to be alone from time to time, collect ones own thoughts and take informed decisions.

Bennie Louw (Personal Development)

Nice. Thank you for sharing.

Ajilesh Kumar. K.V.

Hi Deepak, I think your article helps a mass. but I felt that you should have to give an advice which may help her instantly.

Shelley Harris (Life Transitions)

Good Advice as always.

www.casinoonlineautorizzati.it

Thank you for the informative article and also to the authors of the comments. Depression is horrible. I've struggled with it all my life, and although I had some success with antidepressants, I soon realized that they were not the answer--I'm merely sharing MY experience. Please understand I'm not a doctor, and I've not the right to advise anyone in the area of medication or, for that matter, any other areas. thank's!

Imran Healer

yeah agreed - sadness will only come from yourself, your allowing yourself to feel sadness

Shrikrishna Puranik

In the today's scenario - best way to deal with is to have a control and separate good habits from the bad one. Like developing good eating habits, healthy thought process (Positiveness), behavior, etc.

Rotem Cohen (Motivation)

I think seeking professional help is the best solution to solve the problem, so that the causes of depression will be known and proper treatment may be given. I appreciate the initiative of the woman to share her problem because it is a sign that she is acknowledging the issue. Keep posting!

Tyrron Whyte (Leo) (Achievement)

very good article...there are thousands of people who are depressed and yet do not speak of it to anybody...

Sheila Kennedy (Holistic Health)

Thank you for the informative article and also to the authors of the comments. As a Holistic practitioner I look at depression quite differently, and from a Kinesiological perspective I test for a misalignment in the temporal plates [ where your ear hooks on]. Often such a misalignment can be from birth process, childhood accident or vaccine damage and can lead to a series of issues of which some form of depression is just one. Other issues can be difficulty in seeing a future, not being aware of the consequences of actions, difficulty in feeling comfortable or fitting into group situations, limited range of long term friendships rather than a constantly changing circle of friends, and chemical depression, often from birth. These issues can be dealt with and open up a whole new life for people, without the need for medication. Anxiety is another issue entirely. Peace Love and Light Sheila

BeiYin *The People Whisperer* (Environmental and Green Living)

Sadness & depression are reactions of ones personality system. Personality exist out of identification with a self image & mindset, that contains goals, wishes, dreams and beliefs that are taken from the common mindset that is established within humanity, developed during history of humankind. It is built from intentions to explain all things humans are coming in contact with, giving it a name & making it to a concept. Misinterpretation & manipulation has created a fake reality that people are trying to live. But there is a discrepancy between what really there is & the fake reality & so conditioned people are fighting to realize their view & they must fail, even though it seems that they in parts succeed. But it is never enough or when they reach their goal, it turns out, that it doesn't give the satisfaction they expected. So people are too often disappointed & daily difficulties are constantly causing stress, that accumulates & causes sadness & depression or a physical disease.

saeed dehghan marvast

Saeed Dehghan Marvast With regard to what have been wreitten above I add a meaningful expression said by one of the modern persian poets named Sohrab Sepehry:" one must wash ones eyes and see everything in diferrent manner". I think believing in ones potency causes peson to relief oneself off sadness

With regard to what have been written above I add this meaningful expression said by one of the modern persian poet named Sohrab Sepehry :" you must wash your eyes.You must see things in a different way". Yes believe in your potency and relieve yourself off sufferings.

Jennifer Paton

Depression...the black cloud kind is debilitating...everyday functioning is not an option. It is essential to seek help or be brave enough to ask someone to take you for help...do not ignore the dispair,it will rarely get better on its own. Someone with mild drepression on the other hand responds very well to meditation, service to others, inspirational readings/music/movies, I've personally experienced both, In either case, do not try and go it alone. Support and reassurance from others plays a major part in recovery. There is nothing wrong with alone time to sort out your thoughts...just be aware that it can turn to isolation without any real warning. Keep a journal, write down how you feel...If there is any forgiveness needed, start with yourself. Try to hold off making any significant life changes until you are feeling secure in yourself again. .

DAWN

HI I READ YOUR ARTICLE AND WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I FELT THE SAME WAY ABOUT A YEAR AGO.I DID LEAVE AND THOUGHT THE GRASS WOULD BE GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE BELIEVE ME ITS NOT.I FOUND SOMEONE WHO I THOUGHT WAS BETTER THAN MY HUSBAND.I ENDED UP WITH AN ALCOHOLIC WHO WAS VERY MENTALLY ABUSIVE.THE THING IS WHEN THINGS GET HARD EVERYONE IS QUICK TO RUN BUT YOU HAVE TO PRAY AND PRAY TO GET THE STRENGHT AND RESULTS.PLEASE READ YOUR BIBLE AND ASK GOD TO HELP YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE YOU DO MAKE A WRONG CHOICE....GOD BLESS

Gayle Millis

AMEN!! Thank you for telling it like it is!

margaret bueno

Depression is a sign of emptiness. It is a state that allows life's situations and events get a person down and makes one feel so low because of very weak spiritual connection. I agree with Deepak that in order to elevate ourselves from being overwhelmed by adversities, we have to have deep spirituality where God's power is tapped to give us hope and strength to go and move on.

Guest

Girl, be careful what you do, be thankful for what you have. Get a note book- write everyday what you are thankful for. Then do something for others, be of service to others, this is the best cure for anything near depression. Then ask your husband if he would like to share this time with you in being involved with the service projects. There is not a shortage of people needing simple acts of kindness.

Trevor Mayes (New Age)

"Ideally you will want to see someone who can offer you a holistic regime that includes diet, exercise, meditation, cognitive therapy, and creative expression as primary modalities" Anyone who has been through a difficult time will know this makes sense.

Depression is horrible. I've struggled with it all my life, and although I had some success with antidepressants, I soon realized that they were not the answer--I'm merely sharing MY experience. Please understand I'm not a doctor, and I've not the right to advise anyone in the area of medication or, for that matter, any other areas. I don't know that I'll ever overcome depression, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It is NOT disguised self-pity as some of these 'tough love' idiots posit. The only answer which wells up within is try to help a fellow sufferer if you are able.

Sharon Fisher

My understanding is that individuals with addictions, depression etc. are to be referred to medical doctors, therapist etc. rather than be coached. Life coaches are suppose to coach only "well" individuals. Please, clarify Gratefully, Sharon

Mani Azhiyidom

sadness and depression please understand you are not alone a vast majority are facing the same problems if you are ready to see a therapist it may help but with your whole hearted cooperation.Before that why don`t you seek the help of a trusted person?together u can analyse the problem and find a solution.try to be active community activities are the best remedy try to understand your husbund may be he is in the same position if you and your are honest with each other and wish to lead a happy life you can still have a good relatioship.

Father Time (Mysticism)

awesome

Emily Erickson-Sandstrom (Tarot)

'Sadness is coming from within you' is a good way to say it. Clinical depression can be lifted with short-term medication, often. Her activity level was dictated by the children, and now 'there's nothing to do,' it sounds like. Getting interested in something, anything would be good if she is not clinically depressed, but if she is, nothing is interesting.

Dale Miller (Dieting and Weight Loss)

cheers, thx

Kathie Cureington

I will say over and over---check out success skills and with EFT --you can't change the other guy--but you can change your response to it so fast..and that's the important thing!! Been there--done that and teaching others to cope a tap at a time!!! Kathie