We may not have control over what happens to us, but we do have control over what we do about it and our reactions to it. The response we have to any given situation is up to us, it is our choice, and every choice we make has led us to the place we our today. This is not a bad thing, if we could have done better we would have. The good news is since we have created our lives to be the way they are, we also have the power to create them to be exactly the way we want them to be. I believe that there are three basic things we can do right now to start changing and creating our life to be the way we want it to be. Those three things are:

Know that the present is perfect
Get rid of all the tolerations in our lives and get complete with the past
Practice extreme self care

The Present Is Perfect
Muffassa is my two year old Yorkshire Terrier. He has become one of the greatest teachers in my life. Muffassa is a great example of living in the present, and making the present perfect. Muffassa simply eats when he is hungry, drinks when he is thirsty and takes a nap in the afternoon, if that feels right. If he cannot get someone to play with him, he finds a favorite toy and entertains himself. For Muffassa the present is perfect. Many of us are driven by our need to resolve the past or to create a perfect future. There isn't anything wrong with either approach, but they do have one weakness. The weakness is that neither is about the present moment, both are about a different time than now. There are times when it is valuable to clear up the past, and there are times when it is valuable to visualize the future, but only if done with both feet firmly planted in the present.

What is the present? The present is simply Today. What is happening this moment. It is what is now, not yesterday, or what could be tomorrow, but right this very moment. There is a richness in the present, and a power that enables us to create wonderful things. When we are able to stay present to the moment, to be with it and in it, magical things happen. By staying in the present we are able to put the past and the future into perspective.

Accepting that the present in perfect doesn't mean we have to be satisfied or happy with it. It just means that we accept that things are the way they are for a reason and that we have a choice in this very moment, we can either do nothing about it or change it. My best friend Nancy always tells me, "Either do something about it or quit complaining about it." Each moment is a new opportunity to begin creating our lives to be the way we want them to be.

I believe this concept especially applies to our weight and how we feel about ourselves. Once I asked my husband if I looked fat in something, his reply was "What are you going to do about, loose ten pounds in the next ten minutes." The fact is I could not do anything about it except be happy with the way I was and make a choice to make some changes if I want to lose the ten pounds. I think the key to successful weight loose and maintenance is to accept ourselves the way we are and love ourselves for who we are, not for our dress size.

The first step in living is the present is to take a look at you life and see how much time you are living in the present. If it is less than 90%, you are missing out on the richness of the moment. A very good friend of mine use to say "Every day above ground is a good one." Each moment is a gift, a precious gift that we can give to ourselves. An affirmation that I say that keeps me grounded and centered and reminds me that the present is perfect is, "This is the best day of my life." It reminds me that this is the only day of my life, the past is gone and the future is not promised. Live every day as if it were your last, as if this moment were all that you had left. Make each moment count.

Tolerations
Tolerations are those little things in your life that suck your energy. They do not have to be major, in fact it is usually the little things in life that get to us. It can be a leaky faucet, a loose wheel, or those ten extra pounds. Tolerations can also be major, like an abusive co-worker, a major car problem or over extended credit cards. Whatever the toleration, it takes our energy and does not allow us to be totally present in the moment. Most people think that they are not tolerating anything, or at least not very much. I was the same way when I first heard about the concept. It was all I could do to come up with five tolerations. Then I really started thinking about it and ended up with 146! One of my tolerations has always been my weight. Even when I weighed 128 pounds, at 5 feet 7 inches that is thin, it was not thin enough. I thought if I could only loose five more pounds I would be perfect. After taking a serious look at my weight I realized that what I was really tolerating was a low self-esteem and a socialitial message that thin equaled beauty and self worth. It was only after I accepted that I was never going to be model thin, I was not willing to work that hard, did I come to peace with myself and change my attitude from one of tolerating my weight to appreciating who I am. I changed my focus from my weight to establishing healthily habits, eating more fruits and vegetables, drinking water and exercising. I also no longer tolerate anyone saying anything about my weight, including myself.

The truth about tolerations is that they can:

Hold us back
Cause grief
Waste time
Take continuous energy
Make us less conscious
Take away from our integrity
Take us off purpose
Make us feel bad about ourselves
Keep us from totally being present

Getting rid of tolerations frees us up to be more in the present with fewer distractions.

We cannot know what we do not know. Once we become aware of all the things we are tolerating, we can then do something about it. Make a list of 10 things you are tolerating in your life and commit to having those things cleaned up within one week. Once those are completed, list ten more, and continue to work on your tolerations until you no longer are tolerating anything. By doing this one thing, you will create more space and energy in your life, and be freer to create the life you really want.

Get Yourself Complete
Tolerations have a sister, they are called Completions. Tolerations deal more with things, completions deal with people or experiences. Tolerations usually are outside of us. Incompletions are more about what is going on inside of us. Incompletions are those things in our past that we have not let go of or forgiven. Much like Tolerations, they nag at us and take our energy. They are like background noise, constantly humming away, distracting us from totally being in the present. In addition to the incompletion being on our mind, we might experience other emotions that remind of us the incompletion such as pangs of guilt, remorse, or regret. There may be shame related to the incompletion, or anger. Denial can accompany an incompletion, or sadness. Being incomplete means being unresolved, the experience or relationship might be over, but not yet complete.

How do we know if we need to get complete with someone or something in our lives? If there is anyone in our life that we would fill uneasy about bumping into or there is an experience that we just as soon avoid thinking or talking about, there is probably something we are not complete with in that relationship or situation. How do we get complete? Some suggestions I would make are: if you borrowed it return it, if you loaned it out and want it back ask for it or write it off if the item is never going to be returned. If you have hurt someone, apologize, even if it means calling someone you have not talked to in fifteen years. And if someone has hurt you, forgive them. This does not make them right, it simply frees you and allows you to move on with your life. This one might take awhile, but it will be well worth the effort.

Getting complete will create more opportunities for you by opening up space in your life. You will have more confidence because you will know that you have done the best possible job of cleaning up your past. You will have more time because you will be focused in the present and not drug down by the past and you will have fewer problems.

When going through this process the first thing I had to do was return my over due library books and pay the fine of $50.00. Not a fun thing to do but it got it off my mind, I felt great that I had kept my commitment, since borrowing means just that, and I learned a valuable lesson, it is cheaper to keep agreements than to let them get over due. Get complete, you will feel better.

Extreme Self Care
The final part of this equation is extreme self care. One might think that Extreme Self Care sounds selfish, and besides who has time to take care of themselves. Most people are busy taking care of family, friends, the boss..... In reality, taking good care of yourself helps you take care of everyone else in your life, better. By making sure you are healthy, well rested and pampered, you are able to give more to the people in your life, you will have more energy and more zest for life. When I think of taking care of myself first, I am reminded of traveling on an airplane. During the safety procedure, the flight attendant always instructs the passengers that in case of an emergency, the oxygen bag will drop down from the compartment above our heads. We are told to take the oxygen mask and put it over our mouth and nose, then any small children or others that need assistant. We are instructed to always put our own mask on first. Why do we do that? Because if we take care of everyone else first, we might not have the oxygen we need to take care of ourselves. If we do not take care of ourselves first, we might not be able to later. One of the best ways to start taking care of yourself is to create a list of ten daily habits. These do not have to be major things, but they are a list of things that will make your life better and support you in taking care of yourself. Doing ten daily habits will give you a routine that will keep you focused, clear, motivated and healthy. When choosing your ten daily habits, choose those things that you really want, not things you think you should do or have to do. Your daily habits should get you jazzed up, be something that you really enjoy and look forward to doing.

Some of the daily habits I have established in my life are taking Muffassa for a twenty minute walk everyday, playing with him for at least fifteen minutes twice a day, meditating for 20 minutes a day, keeping a daily journal, eating at least five fruits and veggies a day, taking a daily vitamin and laughing at least 10 times a day. These are things that I like to do and that make me feel great.

To start forming ten daily habits, start out slow. Choose only one or two to start with, do them for a month until they truly become habits and then add a couple more every month until you are up to ten, or whatever number feels good to you. And remember, these are not carved in stone, if you try out a habit that just does not work, dump it and find something you really like. This is about taking care of yourself and doing what you want to do for yourself. Remember these are your habits, not anyone else's. By establishing ten daily habits you are creating a healthy routine that will support you in staying focused, give you more energy, and make you feel great.

Creating the life we really want is all about taking control. It is about deciding to make conscious choices in our lives, living each moment as if it were the most important. Eliminating tolerations and getting complete will free up energy in our lives. And taking extreme self care will keep us healthy and happy. Combining these principles can be the building blocks on which we create the life we truly want.

Acknowledgments go to Thomas Leonard, Founder of Coach University and Coach University for the development of the Personal Foundation Program. Coach University can be visited at www.coachu.com

Author's Bio: 

Coach Lee is an international professional business and personal coach with 17 years of corporate management experience in the telecommunication industry.  She brings first-hand knowledge and experience to her thriving coaching practice. Her clients include mid-level managers, business owners and entrepreneurs.  Coach Lee has a Masters’s degree in Management from Regis University and is a part-time faculty member at the University of Phoenix, Denver Campus.  She is a trainer for Coach University, is a published writer and an accomplished presenter. Coach Lee is currently earning a Doctorate degree at Walden University in Applied Management and Decision Sciences with a specialization in Business Coaching.  Please contact Coach Lee at True Direction, Inc., rachelle@coachlee.com for additional information on her coachingservices.  Coach Lee invites you to visit her web site at www.coachlee.com