Ease Your Way Back Into Dating After Divorce

Most people would wait for life to get back to normal; others would jump right in—even if the ink on their divorce papers hasn’t completely dried out yet. Missing the companionship of the opposite sex is usually the reason why people start dating again. But, if it’s been a while since you have dated, the need to jump start your old dating skills is quite necessary. Dating after divorce can both be daunting and exhilarating. Just like any first date, it can cause a lot of stress, especially after a long marriage and a nasty divorce. The last time you dated was what, 10 years ago? So you wonder what has changed about the single life, anxious and skeptical because you don’t know whether you will be able to survive.

Here are some helpful tips so you could ease your way back into the dating game easily:

Ask yourself why you want to start dating again. Is it because you want to or because your friends have been bugging you to go out? If you are going out because you still miss the intimacy with your ex, then you may still have some emotional issues that needs to be resolved before having a healthy relationship with somebody again. You are ready to date again only when you feel comfortable about it. Don’t expect too much. There is always a possibility that it will be a bit uncomfortable, especially since you have been used to your ex’s attitudes and behaviors.

Avoid comparing your date with your former spouse. Get your ex out of your mind and simply have fun. Have a few conversations over the phone before the big day. It doesn’t matter if your date is somebody you already know. You’ll find that you will learn a lot about his personality during those calls. If you met him online, at least you would have told each other already about your wants, likes, etc. Dress appropriately. Leave the short skirts and tight pants alone. The best choice would be to wear something casual, one that isn’t too suggestive or revealing.

Create the impression that you are relaxed and comfortable by sticking to your own style. Bring your own car, just in case things don’t turn out too well. Being confident that you aren’t stuck there with the person gives you a sense of comfort. You can sneak out anytime if you are getting uncomfortable. Don’t drag that luggage of the old life around. Keep the problems of your past relationship to yourself. When the subject comes up be very brief about it and focus your attention on your date and enjoying each other’s company over dinner. Be open and honest but try not to spill your guts out.

Remember that you are actually on a date, not a therapy session. Pay attention to the person that you are with. Be genuinely interested in asking questions; this will help one determine whether or not there will be a second one. Most importantly, have fun! It’s up to you how a date ends. Whether to kiss or just hug is your call. Follow your instinct: if it feels right then does it. Whichever ways you end a date remember to be courteous. Everybody deserves respect no matter how terrible or fantastic a date went.