In learning to take a more pro active approach to the lives of our teens. Let's start today by looking the **Yelling and hitting**school of parenting.

It is our goal to help parents to realize that parents not teen-agers are to play the leadership role in the families. We as parents cannot reach the point where the kids have pushed our buttons so that we are so frustrated and angered--our limit has been left way behind and we then react.

This type of parenting only enhances the problems problems do not go away, they multiply in events and intensity which wrings out the parent and in that process, we need to come to realize that we are doing what our teens want and we are losing,big time.

Look--the parent[s] is\are to lead the family. But whoa *you are right! Effective parental leadership is not*just laying down the law* Nope,our effective leadership is a lot like effective manament in business * it depends upon a combination of skills and more importantly--the right type and kind of attitude.

We as parents need to learn skills that call for the actual involvment of gasp--the whole family, including our teens.

Ok--we need to get this part--you, me, all of us are for better or worse *human beings* and we are not perfect. We are going to--bet on it make a ton of mistakes but there are two types of mistakes one set of experts tell us that seem to reach out and grab us more than others.

[1] Anyone learning a new skill or becoming reacquainted with old skills--will make mistakes. However, here is the key Remember that mistakes are a part of any learning process--including being a better parent.

In other words-don't punish yourself for being inperfect because if you are too hard on yourself--you make yourself feel terrible and it will limit your abiility to learn new parenting skills.

No long lecture on this--just remember when we don't admit to our mistakes we lose the valuable opportunity to correct and improve our parenting skills.

[2] No trips down memory lane as you look back on you and your parents and the mistakes your parents made in the past. Look, almost everyone does this--it is the only pattern we currently have until we learn better skills.

Keep in mind the past and even though you can improve on some of those mistakes--don't dwell on them. You need to concentrate on being the most effective parent possible today. After all, remember that your job is to work your self out of the job of parenting--right??

Author's Bio: 

Richard & La Rue are active houseparents for a children's home who have recently adopted an 11 year old girl and who care for eight teenage girls. Each day we lose battles yet we win wars as we take our teens into adulthood. They hang out in cyberspace at http://www.yesforfamilies.com.