When we carve out a niche in our busy lives to do the sorts of things that feed our soul, we are affirming our self worth, acknowledging that we crave and deserve our own undivided attention.

When we claim the psychic space and set aside the personal time to pursue the knowledge and mastery of our Self — when we assume the entitlement, the ability, and the authority to do so — we are able to access and transform our perceptions, our perspectives, our experience, our expectations, and, in the process, our entire reality.

By taking the time, by taking our time, we bless ourselves with true devotion. We consecrate our precious lives, and celebrate the continuously wondrous miracle of the unfolding of our Selves.

Having a love affair with your Self is a great way to pamper ourselves with the attention and affection that we al crave, that we lavish on others, but never think to give to ourselves.


1. Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, your fears and fantasies.
2. Spend some quality time alone together — just you, yourself, and you.
3. Turn off the computer, the phone, the fax, and the TV.
4. Put on your favorite music, or simply savor the silence.
5. Entertain a program of non-directed Self-discovery.
6. Stare out the window or into a candle flame or a mirror.
7. Clear your mind of inner chatter and let it wander where it will.


1.Engage in projects of Self-expression in order to reconnect with your higher nature and your inner best Self.
2. Do an exercise tape.
3. Go for a run, walk, swim, or bike ride.
4. Read your Tarot cards. Consult the I Ching. Do yoga.
5. Meditate. Drum, chant, dance.
5. Write in your journal.
6. Transcribe your dreams.
7. Create an altar.
8. Paint a picture or your walls.
9. Sing silly songs.
10. Have a good cry.
11. Pound on pillows and scream.
12. Laugh out loud.


1.Work at establishing a warm, rich atmosphere for your own physical comfort and aesthetic enjoyment.
2. Indulge in a variety of sensory delights.
3. Surround yourself — your body, your home, and to whatever degree possible, your office — with the colors, textures, sounds, and smells that you love and that express your personality.
4. Light candles and incense.


1.Get all dressed up purely for the fun of it.
2.Take yourself on a dream date.
3. Go somewhere you have been meaning to go.
4. Do things that you love.
5. Buy yourself special treats.
6. Compliment yourself, applaud and appreciate your strength and your beauty.
7. Whisper sweet somethings in your ear.
8. Tickle your fancy.
9. Pull down the shades, turn off the lights, and dance till you drop.
10. Massage your body with sweet oils.
11. Kiss yourself.
12. Make hot love to your Self.
13. Make yourself a marvelous breakfast in the morning.
14. Send yourself flowers with a note saying, “I love you.”

These exercises in Self-appreciation and affection are not meant to seal ourselves off from others forever, or to replace any current or future relationships, but to make sure that we do not get involved for the wrong reasons — out of fear or desperation.

We emerge from these Self-love exercises with the secure knowledge that we are our own best lover. And when and if we choose, we are able to share that love with someone special who will understand how precious it is and return it in kind.

An affair with ourselves enables us to know, own, and honor ourselves as unique, individual entities. To admit our abilities and limitations, our talents and truculence on the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual planes, and love ourselves with compassion and no judgment attached.

A practice of solitude and separation — be it occasional, frequent, or constant — teaches us that we do not need the approval or permission of any outside source to validate our personal experience or emotions. In knowing who we are, we are empowering ourselves to know what we know and feel what we feel.

Author's Bio: 

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, award-winning author, popular speaker, and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced
ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed quarterly journal and writes a column for UPI (United Press International) Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

For information about upcoming events and services contact:

Mama Donna's Tea Garden & Healing Haven
PO Box 380403
Exotic Brooklyn, New York, NY 11238-0403
Phone: 718/857-1343
Email: CityShaman@aol.com