We meet someone, we like them, want to see them again, and soon we are forming a deep relationship. This seems like a very natural, innocuous, and innocent thing to do, and we do it every day. What we seldom realize, however, is that we are also forming a psychological attachment.

After we meet someone and see them for a while, the relationship and attachment deepens further, and soon we cannot do without them. They have become more than an attachment; and we have formed a dependency. Ending a psychological dependency, however, is never a simple thing; it can be devastating. So why do we make them?

There are deep impulses in our subconscious, unknown to our thinking mind, that moves us toward our attachments, and we repeat this ritual constantly. We become emotionally attached to our friends, our cars, our homes, our pets, you name it, and when we are forced to give up these attachments because our pet dies or because our lover leaves, it is painful. The pleasure we feel when establishing an attachment is more than offset by the ache we feel when we lose it.

We can break attachments in several ways. One is to multiply the attachments so that if we lose one, the pain will be moderated; we can have several cats, or several boyfriends/girlfriends. Many use this method.

Another way is not to form an attachment in the first place, which many use as well. This is difficult, however, and involves a suspicious and guarded personality. You cannot allow yourself to surrender to that feeling of pleasure, or if you do, you cannot follow through with it.

But the best way not to form an attachment is to simply meditate. When we meditate, we become peaceful and not as prone to follow our old tendencies of relentlessly pursuing our every pleasure, or getting everything that we want. Any attachments that we may have already formed change from a dependency to a mature appreciation, and the power of new attachments that might tempt us diminishes.

So now, after reading this, you can be more aware of how you set yourself up for heartaches down the road. You will be more mindful when you make that initial attachment, and aware of how the attachment can backfire on you.

When we are attached emotionally, we are unbalanced because we act from that emotion. This is not good; this is acting from a fog. When attachments are brought under control, however, you become a balanced person; harmonious, confident, strong and courageous.

When you are that kind of person, then unconditional love has a chance to flower. Then you can become free.

Author's Bio: 

E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit www.AYearToEnlightenment.com