Even though Travis and Linda are decades beyond the acceptable age for trick-or-treating (they’re in their mid-forties), and even though they don’t have children of their own to steer around the neighborhood, they love Halloween. No, it’s not what you think. They don’t dress up in matching M&M costumes and go door-to-door with decorated pillowcases, hoping they can disguise their age. They decline the occasional invitation to a friend’s Halloween party, preferring instead to stay home. They even put a big bowl of candy on their front stoop at the start of the night with a note “Please share,” so that no one rings their doorbell. So what do they find so appealing about Halloween? How is October 31st different from any other day for this couple?

Four years ago Linda surprised Travis with a Halloween treat. The day before, she began leaving Travis mysterious notes telling him that he was in for a special treat the following evening. These notes were rife with sexual innuendo, so it’s an understatement to say that Travis’s curiosity was piqued by his wife’s plans. On Halloween, once the sun set, Travis was instructed to wait for his wife in the guest room with the lights turned off. When Linda arrived, she was dressed in a flimsy teddy and pretended she had just met Travis. She remained in character for the next several hours, seducing him and acting like it was the first time they were having sex. The entire experience was highly erotic for Travis and he appreciated how much thought and effort Linda had put into the evening. At first Linda thought it was her husband who was receiving the erotic treat, but she ended up enjoying the experience as much as her husband.

Linda and Travis decided to make their erotic role-play an annual event. The following year it was Travis’s turn to seduce his wife and fulfill one of her fantasies. Both joked about how much freedom they experienced while playing the role of seducer. Becoming someone else in those moments allowed each of their imaginations to expand in new and exciting ways. An important part of the role-play involved creating a scenario that took into consideration their partner’s sexual desires and fantasies. The role-plays were focused on meeting each other’s sexual needs in fun and creative ways.

Use Halloween to ramp up your sex life

For Linda and Travis, Halloween is about experimentation in the bedroom. They took the role-play aspect of Halloween and are transforming their relationship with this concept. You can too.

Think of Halloween as a mindset—the opportunity to temporarily alter your persona. Why can this be so powerful? When you take on a role for your partner, the mundane stresses of your life vanish. (I’m assuming your role play will not include mortgage payments, the pressures at work, getting the kids to school on time…). So within that role-play you are freed from the aspects of life that are burdensome and hold you back. Responsibility and obligation are replaced with freedom and playfulness. You can even find temporary escape from worries and beliefs that typically hold you back. Such freedom will allow you to be present in new and exciting ways.

Rules of the role play:

1. Have fun.

2. Respect your partner’s wishes and limits.

3. Take feedback from your partner about what worked and didn’t. This is learning by trial and error. If you do something that doesn’t work for your partner, don’t take it personally. Rather, acknowledge the fact that we each have unique needs.

4. If you’re going to push the sexual limits of your relationship, check in with your partner before and throughout the experience.

5. Again, have fun connecting to your partner in a new and exciting way.

Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?

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Author's Bio: 

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.