As soon as a child learns how to please his or her parents, he or she also learns how to modify his or her behavior to gain that parental approval.

Thus commences the art of 'trying to be what other people want you to be.' It can evolve into a troublesome problem.

Some people reach adulthood and are even more caught up in trying to be what everyone else wants them to be. They try so hard to live up to expectations, to fulfill an image in someone else's head, that they lose touch with who they are.

Bit by bit, they place more importance on being the son/daughter that they think the parents want, the husband/wife that they think their spouse wants, the friend that they think everyone else wants.

They play a role, and they do it well. But they do it for so long that they lose touch with who they are.

Many people go through the rest of their lives never knowing that there is anything missing, never realizing that they have lost parts of themselves.

Trying to be what other people wants means that you stop trying to be who you want. You play a role all your life.

How do you find these lost parts of yourself? How do you even realize that there are any lost parts?

You responsibility to your Soul Self is to be the very best person you can possibly be. Unconditionally loving, patient, compassionate, merciful, honest, forgiving. If these were the core values of your days, regardless of what anyone else around you was going through, then you would achieve steps towards finding the missing pieces of you. But, the problem arises in 'buying into other people's fears'.

You may choose to be peaceful and patient, and find that your spouse is in a foul mood, lamenting lack of money, fearing the future. You then feel guilty because not only do you not buy into that but you don't even want to. You have an innate sense that the future is going to be just fine, and you see no reason for fearing the future. You know that you are doing the best you can, and that the expenses are justified and necessary, and you also know that these times will pass, the kids will one day leave home and then you can save much much more. So, why fear today? Embrace your children, and never harbor a single money worry while they are in your house, for they are a gift and a treasure to be cherished. Enjoy every moment that you have with them, for when they one day marry and begin a family of their own, you will not see them so much. Don't waste a moment of 'family time' by worrying about money. Your children are children for only a short period of their lives. Make the most of the time you have together.

Be very aware of the saying: do not fear tomorrow so much that you fail to live today.

Be peaceful and loving regardless of what is going on around you. Do not buy into anyone else's bad mood, impatience, fear, anger. Let them chose their mood, and take responsibility for choosing your mood. When you do this you are being true to yourself.

Thus can begin the journey back to finding the missing parts of yourself.

Piece by piece, fragment by fragment, those pieces will be rediscovered. Those missing pieces can be as simple as: the honesty with which you used to express yourself; the freedom you used to feel to dance and sing in whatever way you felt like; the spontaneity; the desire to dress in clothes you liked regardless of what anyone else said. These are the kinds of things we bury.

Allow yourself to find the missing pieces of who you are, so that you can be whole again.

It is a personal journey. A long one. A worthwhile one.

Author's Bio: 

Robyn is a visionary fiction writer and a spiritual teacher. Visit her website ( to learn more about her books and to read some of her articles and channelled teachings.