How to Be a Man

What does it mean to be a man? Strong and brave? Sensitive and sweet? Unfortunately, this is a question that gets little attention in the public sphere today, leaving so many of us gentlemen unenlightened. In my experience, growing up in a solidly progressive area of the US (the Pacific Northwest) during the 80s and 90s, I had many clear ideas about what a man shouldn't be -- aggressive, insensitive, brash, and arrogant -- but very few explicit examples of what a real, progressive, post-traditional man should look like. It was this particular lack of clarity that led us to explore the current state of masculinity and where it might be going in the future for the Aug-Oct issue of EnlightenNext magazine (formerly What Is Enlightenment?), titled "Constructing the New Man."

As we moved deeper into the inquiry for the issue, which included four interviews with different men offering unique perspectives on masculinity, a startling exposé about the current state of manliness (or lack thereof) in Scandinavia, and a hilarious coming-of-age story by a "formerly sensitive new age man," I started to see my own experience of being a man as an expression of a broader movement in culture. It turns out that in the most progressive pockets of society worldwide, men have been in a virtual state of apology for the past half century and, as a result, have been lacking any real direction forward.

That's why it was so refreshing to read Esquire magazine Editor-in-Chief David Granger's recent editorial, "Drama Kings," in the May 2009 issue, which was dedicated entirely to the theme "How to Be a Man." With unapologetic boldness, he lays out what may be the most relevant and well-argued plea that I've read in a while for men to step up and be real men in our challenging times: staying cool, competent, responsible, and hopeful even when it seems that the world is falling apart all around us. Addressing the many different potential disasters that barrage the average news enthusiast on a daily basis, he offers a commentary that I find inspiring not only as a man, but also as a concerned citizen looking for a broad and sensible perspective on the state of the world today. He says:

For years, we've been overwhelmed with public figures trying to convince us that these are end-times, that we are embroiled in crisis like no crisis in history . . . [but] they're most likely wrong--every age has fallen in love with its own version of apocalypse, and not one of them, so far at least, has come to pass.

Citing several contemporary examples, like Al Gore's global warming campaign, and the terror frenzy of the post-9/11 Bush Administration, he continues:

Now of course everyone has come to agree that we are in the teeth of the worst financial crisis the world has ever faced. Well, okay, maybe. We are indeed in the midst of a profound restructuring that will be hard on us but may also create a much-needed revolution. The sooner we can uncouple our economic health from the knee-jerk hysteria of the equity markets the better. And that seems to be happening.

But two other points: First, when everyone agrees on anything, the thing agreed upon is inevitably wrong. Second, get over it.

And this is my favorite part (drum roll):

We've become addicted to pessimism. And it has more to do with us than with the fix in which we find ourselves. We're so stinking self-important that whatever happens to us must be the scariest, the worst, the terriblest.

This issue is about being a man today. Part of being a man is competence. Part of being a man is hopefulness. Part of being a man is believing that you can handle it. The last thing a man does is give in to childish expressions of helplessness. So from this day forward, how 'bout we suck it up and find a way to deal with it?

While I'm sure that some of the specifics of his argument could be debated, the call for equanimity and responsibility in what psychologist and cultural critic Dr. Jean M. Twenge (author of Generation Me) calls "The Age of Entitlement," is advice that men everywhere, but particularly those in my wayward X/Y generation, should really take to heart.

Thank you, David!