Irresponsibly Joyful 1

The BackgroundnJen and Steve came into see me concerned that the universe seemed to be failing in repaying their desire to trust in “universal” signals. They had taken the brave step of selling their old house in a big town and moving up the ladder, buying a more expensive house with beautiful grounds in the heart of the country. They both knew when they had first seen this house that they had to have it, and the sale and mortgage arrangements all went through smoothly. This included the sale of their old house which had previously proven difficult to sell. But a few months later they found themselves struggling with financial panic. Both self-employed, Steve, the main breadwinner of the previous three years, had hit his normal summer barren patch. They had been working on various schemes to bring in money, including various new ideas for business development, but they were both struggling with remaining centred in any of these ideas. Powers of concentration were wilting, Steve was spending much of his time playing computer games, watching telly and tending their beautiful new garden; Jen, a worry-holic, was spending much of her time trying to think up ways of making money, was critical of the amount of time that Steve was spending ‘doing nothing useful’ and was generally feeling under pressure, particularly since she was in charge of much of the figure work. All of this was of course impacting on the relationship and on their ability to enjoy, during the most beautiful months of the year, the house and garden which they had both worked so hard to acquire. The DilemmanSteve didn’t feel he could get going on any of their own business schemes, because that wouldn’t earn him any money in the short term at least. And anyway he just couldn’t allow himself to feel good about doing any work which was ‘on a wing and a prayer’. And so he was blocked. Jen was trying to get lots of schemes started, and with a ‘to do’ list the length of her arm was continually struggling to keep on top of anything. New projects were just not getting past the starting post. They were both scared – but the important point here is that they hadn’t really gone into what their fear was really about. Their ‘monkeys’ (they’re the little guys, or sometimes massive guys, that sit on your shoulder telling you how bad you are, how dangerous the world is, how little money/health/love there is to go round etc etc) were having them believe that something very bad was happening and that something even more terrible was about to happen. The ReflectionnSo what did I do? I put them in touch with truth. How did I do that? Like this… The first question I asked was “You’ve just had the perfect week, what did it involve?” Jen’s answer was instant. “I have been on a relaxing holiday with Steve and our dog.” Steve’s reply was “we’ve had a cheque in which means that I could have a week’s holiday relaxing with Jen” (he didn’t mention the dog!). The second question I asked was this ‘What’s the worst thing that could happen if by the end of next week nothing has changed?’ The answer was that they would have to dip into the money they had put aside to pay tax just to keep living. This time I extended the same question to include the following week. The answer came back that they would have to dip into that account even more. Ditto the third week by which time they would have used up their tax fund. What would happen if after that nothing had changed? They would have to extend their mortgage. The Bottom LinenIn fact the truth was, as we went through bottom line after bottom line, that it would be many months of nothing changing, of no work coming in at all (which they had never experienced) before they would be forced into the worst conceivable physical thing which would be selling the house. And even that wasn’t as bad as the thought of losing their relationship. So even the house could go if the relationship could be preserved. In fact the bottom line was that nothing dreadful was about to happen; and yet their fear was desperately trying to convince them of the opposite – that all hell was about to let rip! This immediately put them into a lighter frame of mind. A weight lifted; they drove away giving each other permission to play games, walk dogs, water plants and generally be irresponsibly joyful! Because when we’re being irresponsibly joyful, well, miracles can really happen… The ConclusionnJen and Steve were being paralysed by their panic. It was preventing them from seeing any way forward. By putting them in touch with the present moment facts and the ‘worst possible outcome’ I was able to help them see how desperate their ‘now’ really was. By seeing that things weren’t quite so bad as they had thought they were, they were able to start giving themselves permission to start enjoying life again. This in turn led to a much more positive attitude which then developed into the material results that they had been striving for. Checklistnn1) Panic paralyses. Learn to breathe when you are faced with a difficult situation (you need to do the same when you’re watching a really scary film!). Don’t seek to take immediate decisions (unless absolutely critical to health!) – learn to give yourself at least 24 hours before jumping into action.n2) Look at what history has to tell you. If you have found yourself in this position before but have always found a way out, chances are the same thing will happen. n3) Always work out what the worst possible thing is that could happen in the present moment. How bad is that? Are you maybe worrying too much about a potential future event rather than assessing in a balanced way what your present moment state really is?n4) What’s the worst thing that could happen in the next week if nothing has changed?n5) What’s the best thing that could happen in the next week? Do you know? And if not, isn’t about time you did know what you’d love to have happen?nn