Is It Okay To Be Angry With God About Your Illness? Find Out!

"When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I actually felt relief," shares Cindy. "I had been trying to find a reason for my pain and it finally was acknowledged as being something physical not mental." Cindy goes on to explain, "It wasn't until months later that I started getting short-tempered and frustrated and I realized that I was angry about the diagnosis. I was angry that I had to suffer and no one understood."

Many people are familiar with the book "On Death and Dying," written by a well-known doctor in Switzerland, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. The book explains how people deal with any kind of loss, but especially that which they face when coping with an illness. It includes a description of the cycle of emotional stages that people go through in dealing with loss. Anger is the third stage, following the stage of shock and denial.

When we discover that we have a chronic illness, meaning an illness we will likely have for the rest of our lives, anger is a natural reaction. So many hopes and dreams seem to be taken from us.

Recognizing these feelings and dealing with them is part of the mourning process. We all need to go through this process, and it comes at different times for each individual and at different levels at each stage of the illness. Ironically, the first year of diagnosis may even be easier than the third year.

Says Krista, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome, "I know that my anger stages come and go. I have been angry at doctors, at God, myself, my church, even my husband and daughter and other family members."

One thing is definite: anger will come. For some people it will be a mild irritation with everything in life, and for others a flaring temper that doesn't seem subside.

"It is my observation," says Linda Noble Topf, author of "You are Not Your Illness", "that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb."

If you're a Christian you may be told that you should never get angry, you just need to have more faith. As believers, we are often taught the emotions of anger are not "allowed" or justified. You may have been raised to believe:

- If I truly have faith in God and trust that He knows best, than I shouldn't get angry about my circumstances. Doesn't anger signify a lack of faith?

- If I reveal to other Christians that I am angry about my situation, won't they think I am weak in my walk with God?

- I know it says, "wise men shouldn't anger" in the Bible. How can I, in good faith, express the emotions that I am feeling?

- I have seen how angry people become very bitter and I don't want to be that kind of person. So if I ignore my anger, I will eventually become a better Christian, focusing only on the positive things life holds.

All of these thoughts are normal, but that doesn't mean they're correct. By burying our anger and not acknowledging it, we prevent ourselves from moving on to the next phase in the grief cycle, learning how to effectively manage our emotions and our chronic illness.

Here are a few tips to guide you in dealing with anger.

1. Are you angry? Acknowledge your authentic feelings and then get on with life.

Don't bury these emotions, believing that it will make you a stronger person. Topf recommends "think of anger as a resource that you can learn to harness and refine for your own benefit." Being able to address your feelings of anger will help you reclaim your personal identity. Don't try to fake it through life on false emotions.

The Bible explains how Job got angry about the events in his life and cursed the day of his birth. He said, "Do I have any power to help myself, now that success has been driven from me?" (Job 6:13). In the end though, God blessed Job in many ways and Job told the Lord, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful to know" (Job 42:3b). Through his feelings of anger and frustration, character and understanding was built.

2. It is all right to have angry feelings.

God designed our whole being and that includes the ability to feel anger. Even the Bible provides specific examples when God became angry. What does the Bible tell us about how to handle our angry emotions?

- "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:20).

- "Wise men turn away anger" (Proverbs 29:8b).

- "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Proverbs 29:11).

God knows that although anger is a natural human emotion, it should not be our lifestyle. Some people may argue that it takes anger to get things accomplished. One example of this is the emotional name of Mothers against Drunk Drivers which have a seemingly appropriate acronym called "MADD." "We discover that anger is first and foremost demand for change," writes Topf. Great things have happened in our history, because of the "I'm-not-going-to-take-it anymore-attitude," but it's not how God calls us to live our entire life.

In Amos 1:11 God says, "I will not turn back my wrath... because his anger raged continually." God is not upset with the fact that we justifiable feelings of anger, but because they can become continuous feelings that we insist on acting upon. The Lord calls us to refocus on Him and to use our anger to make positive changes that will ultimately bring Him glory.

3. Walk with God and He will walk with you through your anger.

The Bible tells us how David discovered this. "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." (Psalm 138:7). God can calm the anger of not only ourselves but also our enemies. He's there to offer protection and guidance as you go through the various episodes of anger and the emotions of your illness.

"I'm still dealing with anger at this illness." explains Peggy, who lives with fibromyalgia. "Each time I realize I have another limitation, I experience anger. And yet, I know that God has a plan for my life that is perfect. As I become more adjusted to having chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and the limitations it places on my activities, I expect and pray for His perfect grace to become slow to anger, counting on the scripture, 'The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love'" (Psalm 103:8).

We will all face the emotion of anger for the rest of our lives. Some of the most basic advice to cope with it is that which is in a scripture that I refer in my book, "Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why" where I walk through the emotions of anger and bitterness we deal with in regards to our illness. In Hosea 7:13b-14 God says, "I long to redeem [you] but. . . [you] do not cry out to Me from [your] hearts, but wait upon [your] beds." Don't flop down on your bed and wail "Why me?" Instead pour out your heart to the Lord and wholly ask Him for help.