Keep That Job! Communicate Your Way Out of Conflict

Today’s uncertain economy changes the way we look at everything, including our jobs. Last year we might have thought-- if things didn’t go well in this job, we’d find another. Or, if we didn’t get our anticipated bonuses, we’d just leave. Or, if people didn’t appreciate our work, we’d simply find a job where we’re more appreciated.

With unemployment numbers soaring and stable, secure businesses going belly up, our jobs appear more and more attractive. Those of us with jobs are considered the lucky ones. In this environment, how do you keep that job which last year didn’t seem worth keeping?

One part of the problem lies in our ability to forget how hard it was to get our jobs in the first place. We forgot the trouble we went to researching businesses, revising and tweaking our resumes, polishing up our communication skills, ironing our best shirts, and taking to the streets. We forgot those long sleepless hours of hope that we’d get singled out from among the candidates. We forgot the elation we felt that first day on the job. After a few weeks, months and years, everything got fuzzy.

When we take our jobs for granted, we do not make the effort to deal with the little annoyances we face at work. We become agitated when our colleague gets more recognition than we do. We balk at new sales territories added to our already stretched workload. We complain when upper management cuts our benefits. We threaten to quit when our resources shrink.

Instead of balking, complaining and threatening, this environment challenges us to meet these difficulties head on. Because our jobs are now golden, we cannot turn our backs on them when things do not go our way. We must communicate your way out of conflict. But, how exactly do we do that?

Here are some tips to communicate your way out of conflict:

1. Listen for facts and feelings.
2. Paraphrase when appropriate.
3. Avoid making assumptions about the other’s motives
4. Avoid sarcasm
5. Avoid blaming statements and use problem solving language
6 . Clarify the nature of the conflict and re-negotiate expectations.
*If the disagreement is over facts, look for issues that will shed more light on the items in dispute.
* If the disagreement is over methods, remind the other person you have common objectives and that you’re looking for means to the same ends. Then examine the other’s proposed methods for achieving the goals and look for common ground.
* If the disagreement is over goals, suggest that both of you take time to describe as clearly as possible the conflicting goals. While doing so, listen for common ground.
* If the disagreement is over values, suggest that the values be described in operational terms (what they really mean, how they affect behavior).
7. When giving constructive criticism, deal with one issue at a time.
8. Always keep in mind that you are contributing in some way to the conflict. Your focus should be on “What can I change about my style that would help us reach an agreement?”

The next time your boss criticizes your work and no matter how hard you try, you can’t satisfy his standards, remember how valuable that job is. Instead of turning your back on it all and walking out the door, take a deep breath and communicate your way out of conflict.

Example:

Employee. “I’m curious to know what it is about my work that is sub-par?”
Boss. “It’s sloppy. “
Employee. “Help me understand what you mean by sloppy.”
Boss. Turns through the last report. “Look at this! You didn’t include any examples for benchmarking. How will XYZ Company understand what you’re talking about if you haven’t done your research?”
Employee. “So you’re saying, if I add a few examples, this report will fly?”
Boss. “That would help.”
Employee. “What else would improve my report?”
Boss. “I don’t see why I have to tell you everything. Can’t you figure it out for yourself?”
Employee. “Apparently, I haven’t been able to figure it out too well, and I value your input. Please tell me what else will help this report. Like you, I do want us to get this project.”
Boss. “You could add more color. Your PowerPoint presentation is dull. Give it some life.”

Notice this is a conflict over methods. The employee aimed at getting clarity. Instead of becoming emotional, defensive or angry at his boss, the employee stayed focused and curious. He paraphrased what he heard and remained open to suggestions. Doing this meant he had to go into the conversation with a healthy dose of humility and curiosity. The employee paraphrased without defensiveness.

To communicate your way out of conflict, you must put your emotions in check. Forget about blame and defensiveness and realize that you are now fighting to keep that job.