Separation and divorce are two of the biggest roller coaster rides you’ll ever find emotionally. The Law of Attraction can give you some traction so you can regain your footing and see your way forward in your divorce journey.

Our thoughts create feelings, which in turn create vibrations that are either positive or negative. The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like” and that what you focus your attention on will expand.

The first step to using the Law of Attraction is to get clear on what it is you do want. A powerful gift of divorce is it can give you a clear picture of what you DON’T want, which you can easily use to get clear on what you DO want. I am currently a single gal and it took me only about five minutes to create a list of over 60 qualities I don’t want in a future partner. I went over my list asking myself the question, “What do I want?” instead. The answers to that question allowed me to generate a list of qualities I would like in a partner. It was empowering and a lot of fun to get clarity!

The second step is to give your desire attention. Your job in the second step is simply to maintain a positive focus on your desire, knowing that as you do so the universe is aligning people and circumstances to match that vibration. You don’t have to know “how” exactly all of this will transpire for you. Let the universe do its job!

The all-important third Step is: Allow

You won’t reap the benefits of the first two steps unless you get the third step right, which is to allow or receive your desires. Esther and Jerry Hicks explain that there is an unending stream of abundance available to us. Our ability to accept the abundance that is always offered is where our challenges lie.

Imagine a river flowing downstream. When you are open to receiving your desires, you’re in your boat headed merrily downstream. (If you recall the lyrics of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” now, it’s actually a pretty deep philosophical song!) In fact, you could even choose to drop the oars and go with the flow. Step three has you going with the flow and enjoying the scenery along the way (even if the view was somewhat different than you thought it would be).

Tools to Reduce Doubt

Many people aren’t comfortable dropping the oars in their boat and going with the flow. What do your doubts sound like? Perhaps your inner critic tells you “I don’t deserve this,” “I’m going to be alone forever” or “I’m not good enough.” Doubt impedes your ability to receive because it sends out a negative vibration. You start to put your attention on what’s wrong and the Law of Attraction kicks in to give you more of what you’re putting your time and energy on. Not only are you gripping the oars, but you’re starting to head your boat upstream against the current.

The more you can reduce your doubt, the more powerfully and quickly you’ll be able to manifest your desires. People often get impatient with the gap between where they are now and where they want to go. They give up right before they cross the finish line. One way to handle your doubts is to become aware of your doubts or limiting beliefs. Treat the words “because” and “but” as big red flags. Anything you say or think after using those words is likely a version of your limited beliefs about yourself.

Reducing your doubt, even slightly, will make it easier for you to attract what you want. Esther Hicks advises you to “soften and reach for thoughts that bring you relief” as a way to gently turn your boat from “upstream” thoughts back into the downstream current. If you feel controlled by your limiting beliefs, hire a coach to do some internal emotional housecleaning with you. (If you’d like to learn more about the kind of coaching I offer, please visit my coaching website.)

You can clear yourself of doubt by consciously collecting evidence that you are on the right track. Celebrate a stranger holding the door open for you or the unexpected check in the mail. There will be a lag time between articulating what you want and manifesting it in your reality but there will be signs along the way that you’re on track that can keep you fuelled and in a positive state of attention.

The third way to help you receive is gratitude. Take the time to feel deep appreciation and gratitude for your life as it is right now. Look at the people in your life, even the ones you don’t particularly like, and be grateful for the lessons you’ve learned and the relationships you’ve created.

Take Action!

1. What’s up, Doc? Over the next 7 days, keep a list of your doubts and limiting beliefs. Notice what thoughts come after you use the words because” or “but.”

2. Soften into Relief. Look at your limiting beliefs and ask yourself what thought could you choose instead of which would offer you relief. Are there any people in the world who have found happiness in life after divorce? Can you see yourself as in the process of being one of them? Write down a gentler thought that starts to turn your boat downstream.

3. Collect your evidence. Keep a list of all the positive people, circumstances and situations you start to encounter and celebrate your role in attracting them to you.

4. Take a Spiritual Vitamin. Give yourself a daily dose of gratitude by writing at least 10 things for which you are grateful.

Author's Bio: 

Carolyn B. Ellis is the Founder of Thrive After Divorce, Inc. A Harvard University graduate, Carolyn is a Certified Master Integrative Coach™, Teleclass Leader and the first Canadian to be certified as a Spiritual Divorce Coach. She has also served as a Staff Coach at the Institute for Integrative Coaching at John F. Kennedy University in San Francisco, CA, and has been trained personally by its founder, NY Times best-selling author Debbie Ford. Her book, The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to Help Your Children Thrive after Divorce will be published in 2007. She is a member of Collaborative Practice Toronto. Her three amazing school age children and bouncy labradoodle dog are her daily sources of inspiration and joy.

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