Learning to Diffuse Anger Outbursts in Marriage

A marriage may suffer from irreversible damage due to a regular existence of anger outbursts from a spouse. Having a limited knowledge on how to handle the situation can make coping with an angry spouse very difficult. Anger is hostility resulting from a variety of triggering behaviour and situations, can be very potent and should be diffused right away. As humans, we experience a lot of emotions. Bursts of impulsive anger may be suppressed with tolerance, support, love and concern. It is very important to know what to do for one’s partner, and although it may take some time for any visible progress in this matter, any remarkable success will most likely create a stronger marriage.

How does one diffuse anger outbursts? Read on and learn from these simple guidelines: It is very tempting at times to take on one’s spouse in a shouting match, but often this is not a very good idea. As much as possible, avoid your spouse during an outburst. Learn to walk away – find a spot and reflect on the situation. What triggered the hostility? Is there anything that you can do to help diffuse your spouse’s anger? Anger outbursts usually result from a discussion or a disagreement. In that case, save the discussion for later. Give your partner (and you) a chance to cool his/her head before bringing up the issue again.

However, if outbursts recur and are triggered by the same discussions, try to modify your approach, or broach the subject gently, at fewer intervals. Sometimes a couple can be so intent on finding the solution to their problem that they often fail to do the obvious: self-examination. Ask yourself if you had a hand in igniting the anger. Do you nag constantly? Nagging is one sure way to cause an anger outburst, although there may be some other causes too. Outbursts often lead to physical and emotional abuse. Talk to your partner in a caring and gentle language, just to show that you have forgiven the person and are willing to get things back to normal.

When the channels of communication are open and normal once again, talk to your partner about the situation. Getting to the bottom of the issue is necessary for a harmonious relationship; just make certain that you are both in the right frame of mind. A weekend away from the kids and from the house might just be what you both need – a guest house, a room in a hotel or wherever you could be alone-- to effectively identify the origins and causes of your spouse’s anger. Being able to pinpoint the origins and causes of the outbursts is the first and most important step in the process of understanding your spouse.

This also makes both partners less likely to do something that may trigger his/her anger. If you feel that your spouse has crossed the line, and you have done everything in your power to pacify him/her, don’t hesitate to engage your spouse in anger management classes. Further assistance from a marriage counselor is also advised for the couple. Never impose guilt; instead, be supportive and recognize your spouse’s need of your unflagging support to surpass this problem.