“ “The only thing worse than being alone is being with the wrong person” Reuben Schmidt, 89 years old—happily married to Joyce Schmidt for 53 years.

Look around you. Do you see couples that are wonderfully happy together? Happy and joyful couples bless everyone they come in contact with. They uplift those they are around by their loving connection. On the other hand you know what it feels like to be around couples who are unhappy and in conflict. It is difficult to be around them and they pull the energy down around them. The planet needs healthy, vibrant, loving couples. These couples positively affect their families, the community they live in and the world at large. There is a shift happening in that people are becoming more conscious about themselves and the kind of partner they are looking for. Rather than making decisions based on superficial qualities---he’s attractive, she makes good money—people are starting to look deeper as to what they want in a partnership. As a psychotherapist I work with many people individually as well as with couples who are struggling within their relationship because of basic incompatibility---they should not have been together to begin with. I hear from people that they knew on their wedding day that they were making a mistake and years later they are struggling to make something work that was unworkable from the start. It takes courage to look at a relationship with clear honesty and say---“This is not going to be a good match for me in the long run”. It is best to make this decision early on because the consequences of waiting get greater and greater—if you get married there is the pain of divorce and if there are kids involved there is even more pain. Or if you are in a long term relationship—the pain of separation is high after having your lives so intertwined.

One of the methods I have discovered to raise one’s consciousness in the process of looking for a partner is the Life Partner Quest process. It involves working with a Life Partner Quest coach in two phases. Phase one is the Readiness Phase, during this phase the coach assists the client in addressing the following areas:

  • Readiness-is the client ready to meet their life partner? Clients take the Readiness
  • Review to give feedback on their level of readiness. Are all of the areas of their life working for them? Have they addressed the emotional issues from past relationships?
  • Relationship History-exploring past patterns in relationships and using what was learned to clarify what needs to change to change the patterns.
  • Identification of goals and needs.
  • Clarify Vision for one’s ideal life, Identify requirements for a life partner.
  • Develop profile of Life Partner.
  • Develop “Relationship Plan” to manifest/attract Life Partner.

    Phase two is the Attraction Phase. In this phase the client is either working individually with a coach or in a group of other people who have completed the Readiness Phase. The following areas are addressed in the Attraction Phase:

  • Where and how to meet potential life partners
  • Becoming ready for a committed relationship
  • Effectively meeting people, developing networks, sorting.
  • Staying on track with your Relationship Plan

    There seems to be a certain kind of magic that happens when a person works with another person towards a goal that is dear to their heart. Working with a coach or an attraction group that knows the clients desires can help support them to persevere when alone they would give up. The other benefit of working with a Relationship coach is that it helps to hold the client accountable to their standards and what they really want. When the client starts to date an attractive person who lacks one of their most important requirements the coach can support them to stay on track. The coach can also point out to the client their blind spots, where they might be getting in their own way of reaching their dreams.

    The conventional way of dating is a hit or miss process. You meet someone you are attracted to and begin to date them. Through the process of dating you become emotionally bonded with this person. Over time you may start to have conflicts because there is not enough compatibility or there are drastic differences in values and goals. Instead of recognizing this and parting ways you stay and try to make it work because by this time there is an emotional bond---separating is painful. Or there may be fears like” I’ll never meet anyone else---I will end up alone.” So you stay out of fear, not love. Having clarity prior to starting to date and then keeping awake and aware when you first meet someone to make sure they meet your requirements before you continue in the relationship can save a lot of time and heart ache.

    The following are the Eleven Principles of Conscious Dating:

    1. Know who you are.
    2. Like an iceberg, we are typically aware only of the tip, while our success and happiness depend upon what lies below the surface.

    3. Know what you want.
    4. Clarify what is most important to you in your life and in a life partner. The more conscious and aware you are the better will be your choices.

    5. Learn how to get what you want.
    6. Assess the information, tools, and skills you will need and acquire them. Develop creative strategies and action plans. “When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”

    7. Be the “Chooser.”
    8. Take initiative and responsibility for your outcomes. Don’t react to what, or who chooses you. Seek to create what you want in your life.

    9. Balance your heart with your head.
    10. Make your relationship choices consciously. It’s still exciting!

    11. Be ready and available for commitment.
    12. Live your life and bring your dating strategy into alignment with how ready you really are for a committed relationship.

    13. Use the “Law of Attraction.”
    14. Be the partner that you are seeking. Attract the partner that you want by developing yourself and living the life that you want.

    15. Create a support community.
    16. Develop a rich and supportive network of loving connections with family and friends. Don’t expect a partner to meet all of your social and emotional needs.

    17. Gain relationship knowledge and skills.
    18. Prepare for the love of your life by learning about relationships, improving your relationship skills, and deepening your relationships with your family and friends. Take more emotional risks. Take relationship classes and workshops.

    19. Practice assertiveness.
    20. Increase your personal power by being authentic, assertive, exercising boundaries, saying “no” to what you don’t want and taking responsibility for getting what you do want.

    21. Live your Vision while you are single.
    22. Don’t put your life on hold waiting for a relationship to happen. Live your life vision and purpose while you are single. The best way to find your life partner is to be a happy, successful single person living the life that you really want.

    Is it your heart’s desire to meet your life partner? If so do whatever you can to become as conscious and aware as you can---your commitment to stay aware and not settle for anything less than the “Love of your Life” can be an inspiration to others. We need more people with this kind of commitment to develop incredibly joyful and loving connections.

    These kinds of connections add to the positive and uplifting energy the planet so needs.

  • Author's Bio: 

    Shelley Riutta MSE, LPC is a pioneer in the Holistic Psychotherapy field. She specializes in Transformational individual counseling, Presentations and Workshops. For her free Workbook “What Do You REALLY Want: Finding Purpose and Passion” and free monthly tele-classes visit her web-site at http://www.RadiantLifeCounseling.com/