Hi Doc,

I've been talking to this girl for about a month now and we hit it off real well. We have a lot in common and we talk a lot on the phone.

The problem is that when I ask her if we can take our relationship to the next level and be a couple, she tells me that I need to take it slow because she doesn't want to hurt me. She had just come out of a six-year relationship with a controlling boyfriend and said that she still cares for him even though she does not want to be with him any more.

We talk and go out all the time and we always have fun together. I have drawn her pictures and have bought her roses (pink and white - her favorite) almost making her cry. She says I know how to make her feel good?so why is she worried about hurting me?

I have really fallen for her and I can't stop thinking about her. I don't feel I can keep this up for much longer.

Please help.

Confused Charlie

Hi Charlie,

When I look up the word "evasive" in my Webster's, I see a picture of your girl's smiling face. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie?it's time to wake up and smell the fertilizer.

It's simply astonishing how many guys buy The "I need more time before I can date you" Line and its variations. After all, how much time does one need in order to meet at a coffee shop? Unfortunately, men rarely question the nonsensical statements that many women make. Charlie, your girl's feeble overtures to a relationship are about as authentic as O.J. Simpson's plans to find Nicole and Ron's "real killers." You would be more likely to win the lottery!

Like the married man who promises his mistress that someday, he will leave his wife, your girl is filling your head with dreams. Consequently, you believe that one day she will get over her feelings for her ex-boyfriend and start dating you. Keep dreaming, guy! If this girl truly had interest in you, she never would have mentioned another guy in the first place. Why? Because she would have been too afraid of turning you off!

Charlie, if your girl really cared about your feelings, she would have been direct with you from the start. It would have been a kinder action to tell weeks ago: "Charlie, I love you as a friend, but I wouldn't kiss you for twelve billion dollars." Instead, she gave you false hope.

It's interesting that your girl brought up the subject of not wanting to "hurt" you - why would she even think of this unless she already knew that she was harboring low Interest Level for you deep in her heart? This, by the way, sheds light on why she wanted to "take it slow" with you: she wanted to buy time until she was ready to disappear from your life.

Charlie, your drawings and roses are romantic gestures - fit only for someone who has demonstrated her high Interest Level in you through her actions. Your girl clearly doesn't qualify - of course; this hasn't stopped her from accepting your gifts and your valuable time and attention!

Your girl wants you play the stooge for her, but nothing more. She doesn't mind your advances, as long as she doesn't have to lift a finger to reciprocate. In short: she's only concerned about making her fragile ego feel good - not about treating you properly. Want to prove this to yourself? Stop giving her gifts and see how long she sticks around.

Charlie, if your girl truly liked you, she would have been the one asking to take the relationship to the next level (Wouldn't that have been better?). So next time, let the woman be the one to come on heavy.

You're right, Charlie - you can't keep up your current course of action for much longer - and thank goodness for that! Why? Because the longer you ignore reality and run after love mirages, the more ripped up your poor heart will become (not to mention the all the money you would waste in the meantime). Just think of all the home phone numbers you could have gotten while you were busy chasing this unavailable woman. Thank God you now have The "System" to guide your love choices.

Men think that women can be coaxed into romantic relationships through gifts and kind words, but when they push and push this way, they always get the same results: they get played for suckers. If anything, constantly giving yourself to a romantic deadbeat only makes the woman more complacent, more disrespectful, and even less likely to take the next step.

Guys, when it comes to love, a woman with high Interest Level would gladly meet your advances halfway. If she doesn't, then it's time to move on to someone with better taste!

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. Talk to me live every Sunday at 9 A.M. PST at http://www.vocaloca.com.

?Copyright DocLove DotCom

Author's Bio: 

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"