I will be the first to admit that every time I have formed unhealthy attachments in life, it has invariably led to trouble! Trouble such as resentment, fear, anger, discouragement, low self-esteem, and limiting beliefs, which all seem to be the potential result of unhealthy attachments! One day, I just got frustrated enough to say, “I’ve had it, I’m sick and tired of the disappointments,” and started to explore what it would be like to live a life free of these upsets.

It seems that people quite naturally become attached to outcomes in their mind and then if reality doesn’t match their projections, they walk around with these huge chips on their shoulders. Something doesn’t go their way and they become angry, living life in quiet desperation, trying to figure out what went wrong and how to manipulate a way out of it!

I started to think about this recurring theme and saw that when I have flashes of inspiration, which compel me to plan a new project, formulate a goal, or start a relationship, soon enough I get busy with the details. I will invest a ton of energy up front, coordinate the elements, and get busy doing things. I would say I’m really good at putting deliverables down on the calendar and sticking to those. Things typically go great up to this point.

It is invariably in the last hour though, when push comes to shove, the expectations I hold on to so tightly, fail! It’s not that I always get bad results; in fact I would say that I get good results a majority of the time! However, when I do get bad results, it feels like a dagger plunging through my heart. When some person I was counting on to say yes, doesn’t; or when some arbitrary number I was supposed to produce, isn’t there, that’s where the unhappy results live. Can you relate?

When we feel like we’ve been rejected or our goals remain unrealized, we can become discouraged and think something out there in the world is holding us back, doesn’t want us to succeed, doesn’t think we’re good enough to be paid for our talents, etc. Because our desired results were not produced, at least that is the illusion, we become a victim. Eventually we give up on the hopes and dreams we’ve had because victims just can’t win.

Here’s where the story changes though, because the real source of the trouble is not out there in the illusion of circumstance, but rather inside, where we allow our dreams to be squashed or not. It is our decision what things mean in life and totally within our power to hold on to our dreams, goals, and aspirations no matter what!

The Buddhist’s have an axiom, “Surrender all attachment, and it will set you free.” Another saying I’ve used in my coaching is, “Want Nothing, Have Everything.” The difference between someone who can have a goal and not be attached to the outcome is that they source all the pleasure out of the idea itself, and not the result. An idea will run its course eventually; that is what ideas do! In fact, intentions can’t not happen, unless of course, we stop trying. When the illusion of disappointment overtakes you, surrender your attachments and get back to the essence of why you started in the first place. Give yourself permission to possess those dreams, whether the results occur in the physical world or not. Judge the quality of your life not on circumstance, but rather on inspiration, creativity, imagination, and hope. Have faith that everything that happens, happens with cause. Examine the results in life for the positive things that can be learned and keep trying. It really is all just a game, and the mastery comes from playing.

To learn more about Unhealthy Attachment, check out, “Perspectives, Creating a Vision of Your Ultimate Life,” or call for a complimentary coaching session to turn your upsets into wins - and unlock your human potential!

Author's Bio: 

Bennett C. Marks – Executive Bio

Professional Background:
Bennett Marks is a Professional Speaker, Author, Business Consultant, and Executive Coach. His latest book, “Perspectives, Creating a Vision of Your Ultimate Life” introduces the concepts integral to his life’s work and the accompanying coaching program, “Life by Design Leadership.” Since 1989, he has worked with thousands of people helping to better their lives and create breakthrough results. He has also written numerous articles on the dynamics of personal and professional transformation.

Mr. Marks also has an impressive track record in the ranks of the corporate world. He has provided training and development for such companies as Xerox, J.D. Edwards, Goodwill Industries, Mazda, The Chase Manhattan Bank, MCI Worldcom, Fluor Daniel, Tech Data, and State Farm, among many many others. His experience at these fortune level companies puts him in high demand and now serves as a catalyst for change at other enterprise level organizations.

His career spans a 20year period and covers a broad range of work experience, ideas, and concepts. At the core of his knowledge is a profound expertise of Human Dynamics, which encompasses Interpersonal Growth, Communication Styles, Sales & Marketing Management, Information Technology, and Organizational Development.

He is alumni of the University of Wisconsin and National Louis University, with a Bachelors in Business Management (Emphasis: Organizational Development). He served in the United States Armed Forces from 1986 through 1992 and excelled stateside with honors during the Gulf War (Desert Storm). Mr.Marks has served as an adjunct professor at Soka University and Cybertek College and is currently working on his Ph.D. in Behavioral Studies at APU.

In 1987, Mr. Marks started a multi-media marketing Company called “Future Concepts Studios” which had a developer partner relationship with Apple Corporation. In 1994, Mr. Marks founded his second company called “The Futcon Group” which delivered computer applications to both public and business sectors. He has a passion to understand and advance our’ understanding of the human dynamic and thus, the creation of Life by Design Leadership, Inc. (1998)

Certifications and Training:
Bachelors – Bus Mgmt (Organizational Development) University of Wisconsin/ National Louis University, Ph.D. Candidate -Behavioral Psychology – American Pacific University, Neuro Linguistics, Hypnotherapy,Coaches Training Inst. (Certified Coach), Dale Carnegie Sales Training, Tony Robbins Mastery Course, Landmark Education (IFL), PADI Divemaster, PLDC Leadership Training, TQM Team Facilitator, Professional Development Institute, IBI, Tech Data Management Training, Chase Manhattan Mgmt Dev., And literally hundreds of other smaller certifications

Professional Affiliations:

Training Specialties:
- Principal Based Leadership - Teambuilding/Breakthrough Results
- Sales and Artful Negotiation - One on One Executive Coaching
- Strategic Marketing - Communication Skills
- Business Development/Transition - Public Relations/Image
- Information Technology - Creating a Great Company
- Virtual Office/Working from Home
Bennett C. Marks, 530 Melrose Avenue E., #202, Seattle, Washington, (206) 329-2264 phone, Bennett_Marks@Yahoo.com