Two Ways Make New Ways

Time for Exercise:15 minutes to two hours

Properties Required: pen and paper


  1. Have a conversation during which you identify points of difference, such as ways of thinking or acting, values, and beliefs. Some of these differences might be minor; others might be causing considerable tension in the relationship.
  2. Select one item to work with. If you find the process moves smoothly and quickly, you can tackle additional items now, or save your list for another time.
  3. Tell each other what you appreciate, respect, and admire about the other’s differences pertaining to each item.
  4. Tell each other what you have learned or can learn from the other’s unique approach to various issues.
  5. If there is something about your own approach that you can honestly change or modify based upon the positive influence your partner has brought to the table, tell her about it, and thank her for her help in making your life better.


    People often waste much time and effort trying to change partners into themselves. Although this usually does not work, if it does, boredom can set in pretty quickly. Most of us wish to be appreciated and respected for who and what we are right now. This exercise builds tolerance for differences by finding how they can be complementary rather disruptive. Repeat this exercise as you identify more differences you wish to honor rather than change.

    In authors Al and Pala’s relationship, they have enough respect for each other that they avoid any quick dismissal of the other’s point of view, perspective, or opinion. Each of them will stop and consider: “If my partner looks at it that way, is there something I could learn?” In this way they celebrate rather than fight over their differences, while constantly encouraging their own spiritual growth and development without trying to change the other.

Author's Bio: 

Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host lover’s romantic weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website and their blog or send email: They have four books published including Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, New Page, 2003; The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra, Penguin, 2007; Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms Body, Heart, Mind and Soul, Llewellyn 2007; Tantra Step by Step: 28 Days to Ecstasy, Llewellyn 2007.