Relationship is one of the most important key areas in our life. Almost everything we do involves a relationship – in our family life, in business dealings, at work, in the social circle, with friends and so forth. It is very essential for us to find out who all are the important people in our life and how to have harmonious relationships with them.

Numerous studies have shown that job and career failures are mainly due to personality clash rather than lack of job knowledge, skill or competence. Even college dropouts are because of personality defects in getting along with other students, teachers or sometimes parents as well and not because of scholastic disabilities or less intelligence.

Marital discord and most of the divorces are rooted in personality problems at least in one of the partners. Problems with in-laws, lack of money, etc. are just superficial excuses; the main reason is a bad or unharmonious relationship.

So often we try our level best to control, manage and change others; however, the results are negative by far. People normally don’t change unless they want to and are committed towards the change. Really speaking, you just cannot change anyone except yourself. When you change yourself, the world around you also changes automatically and at least 70 % of your problems, in terms of relationships, get resolved.

Whenever we criticize someone, we stop our ability to take a clear look at the situation. Criticizing is very harmful, because whenever we call someone arrogant or useless for example, we start seeing that person as arrogant or useless. Our mind, unconsciously or subconsciously, keeps on picking up and finding out those negative traits in that person. Thus, we become unable to deal with that person as a unique individual.

Hence, stay away from criticizing others. Learn to appreciate and compliment others. Appreciation and compliment have got tremendous positive power, however, they should be genuine.

Blaming is also very harmful. When we blame someone else for the problems in our life, we become a passive victim of circumstances and it becomes very difficult for us to change our situation. Many relationships are ruined by people who blame their partners when things go wrong. They take little responsibility for their problems. When something goes wrong at home or at work, they try to find someone to blame. They rarely admit their own problems, faults or mistakes.

Whenever we blame someone else for the problems in our life, we become helpless and powerless to change any thing. The “blame game” hurts our personal sense of power. Keep away from blaming thoughts. We have to take personal responsibility for our problems before we can hope to change them.

We must stop trying to change others, as there is enough scope for change in us. No one is perfect; hence, there is a lot of room for improvement in us. Accept people as they are and not as you wish they were. Don’t expect them to behave the way you want. As a matter of fact, the best thing is not to expect anything from anybody. I know I am asking too much, but that is one of the ways to happiness. Be a little detached, if not completely.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Sanjoy Mukerji (B.Sc., D.M.M., P.G.D.P.C., Ph.D.) is a leading consultant psychologist, the founder and trainer of Hypno-Meditation (HM), and a Renowned Author. He is a teacher of practical spiritual psychology to help people to become peaceful, healthy and happy. He also delivers lectures and conducts various workshops for participants from different walks of life. He has authored many best-selling books, and there are many more in the pipeline.
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