Hi Doc!

Why is it that when women turn men down for sex, they expect us to be understanding and caring, and when men turn women down, they flip out??

Here's the situation: I broke up with a girl I had been with, but have been able to remain minor friends. I know you don't think that's a good idea, but I wanted to keep the communication lines open.

Anyway, since we broke up, she started seeing another guy, although she says it's only casual sex. She called me last night, saying she was feeling lonely (and horny) and wanted me to come over to sleep with her.

I told her that I didn't think it would be a good idea, since I know that would probably mean we're back in a relationship and I'm not ready for that right now. She said it would only be just sex and nothing else. I told her I didn't believe that and we shouldn't do it. She got mad, said I was a fool, and hung up on me.

Was I wrong? Should I have gone over? Is it me, or are ALL women crazy??

Thank you in advance for your help.

Hello my brother!

No, it's not you - all women are crazy! Some are just less than others!

There are actually a few reasons why all this happened.

First, your girlfriend knows that you are looking for sex - that's a no-brainer! All men want sex! Thus, she felt "safe" asking you; although she probably when through all sorts of mental gymnastics before finally deciding to call you! (It's a woman thing). Also, since you were sexual together before the breakup, she felt that you could be sexual after the breakup too. When you turned her down, she probably felt you were rejecting HER not the sex! In a manner of speaking, you were by the way. Some women's egos just can't stand this type of blow, (pardon the expression).

Second, women are not good at asking men for dates, sex, etc. Many of them feel that they'll come off as sluts! When you turned her down, she probably felt like cheap and over-sexed. You and I know that isn't true, but that doesn't change things for women as they feel great pressure to come across as "good girls".

Third, she was probably sexually frustrated - just like you are when a girl turns you down!

Of course, all of this doesn't excuse her rudeness. You have the right to accept sex or turn it down - just like she does. Switch roles for a moment - how would you have reacted if she turned you down? Probably quite differently.

Did you do the right thing?

I think you did. Now understand, I have no problem with the after-dating sex thing! However, in your case, where this girl has admitted that she's having casual sex with some other guy, things get far more complicated. This is especially true since you were emotionally together before all of this.

You're right about the relationship issue, and this often gets in the way of casual sex. Consider this: if you were to have slept with her, she may very well have believed that the relationship was back "on". Then, when you explained to her that it was just sex, how angry would she have been then?

Best regards...

Author's Bio: 

Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2003, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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