Protecting Your Children On-Line

Teaching your children to use the Web isn't easy. The Web offers your child vast amounts of information. However, it doesn't offer you a way to determine your child's readiness for that information. For adults, it redefines many issues, forcing us to change our way of thinking. However, for children, it doesn't change anything. For children, it defines and shapes the way they think from the start.

How does the internet effect our children? In 1997, 66% of children used computers at homes, schools, and libraries. By the year 2000, it is estimated that the average child will spend 100 fewer hours watching TV each year, and will likely reinvest most all of this time into on-line activities. The On-Line world is an active place, compared to television, which is passive. Children play, learn, communicate, make friends, and shop on-line. They will grow into adults who do the same.

Already we use our computers to "telecommute" and consultant from home offices, changing the way we work and conceptualize our careers. Many software programs provides "push" technology by collecting information individually tailored to our needs, changing the way we think about "researching" issues. The Web has altered our ideas of conducting business, and redefined consumer marketing and spending. The On-Line world has introduced new concepts (like "cyberdating") and confronted us with the role that others' opinions and views will play in our own moral belief systems. You may feel that you walk a fine line between protecting your children, and inspiring young adults.

On top of all this, you may be making decisions about technology you don't understand very well. One thing that makes the Dilbert comic strips so funny is that the "pointy-haired boss" doesn't understand the technology in his office. We often laugh at people who are "computer illiterate" and who needs things "dumbed down" for them. Secretly, we all fear being one of those people one day. Face it; if you sit with your child at a computer, you will teach your child something, and learn something from your child. This changes the nature of the parent-child relationship in some ways, creating a cultural and generational clash that most parents find disturbing.

You might be tempted to just throw your hands up and let your kids "run loose" on the Web. You might tell yourself "I don't understand it, so what help could I be?" or even, "I'd look stupid, and who wants to look (even more) stupid to their teenager?" However, you must remember that even if you don't understand the technology, you have something your children don't. You have experience thinking, experience critically weighing "facts" others give you against your own experience. You have experience making moral decisions, experience considering the basis for and consequences of your beliefs. Frankly, this is the most valuable thing you can give your children.

Here are some ideas to guide you in making decisions about your children and the Web. This article isn't meant to be exhaustive, and it shouldn't replace your own judgment. This is meant to help you consider issues and decide how you wish to proceed.

Younger Children

Children under 10 shouldn't be allowed to use the Web by themselves. Letting your children "loose" on the Web is no different than letting them wander freely through an unknown neighborhood. Children at this age are not smart enough or mature enough to weigh the information available to them, much less resist many of the marketing ploys and reject the "undesirables" they can meet on-line. Spending time with your child looking through the Web is a the only way to teach your child how to handle the flood of stimulation, and how to develop their own belief system to prepare them for the future.

Undesired Pages: Talk to children about what they shouldn't see on-line and why. Statements like "This Web page seems to have grown-up stuff on it, so no kids allowed," or "Children shouldn't see this kind of stuff because it's confusing. When you get older, you'll understand it" or "This page has people doing things we don't like."

This covers everything from an X-Rated adult site, to a "fun" site with a flaming toaster. After Dave Barry wrote a column about Poptarts being flammable, several people tried to see just how easy it is to set fire to electrical appliances, posting pictures of their "experiments." Personally, I thought it was funny, but if your 10 year old child tries this at home, you might not.

Desired Pages: Direct your child's attention to pages with favorite book or TV characters, and educational themes like special pets or hobbies. In other words, teach them fun ways to use the Web. Remember too that the things they find will make it "fun," but spending time with you and showing you what they can do is also fun. Praise your child's curiosity. The Web offers them the ability to make decisions about what they want to know, seek all sorts of new information, weigh what they find, and look again for more. Praise your child's desire to learn.

Chat Rooms: Children enjoy going to chat rooms and talking with other children. Parents sometimes worry that their children will fail to develop social skills. This is unlikely, since talking on-line is much like talking on the phone, but with a new possibility added. On-line your child can be something new and different, and try on a new identity. No one will judge them on their looks, their clothes, or their "kewlness." They can be smart, pretty, older, younger, or anything else they want. If they offend someone in a chat room, they can leave, reenter with a new identity, and try the same social interaction again. Real life doesn't allow for "practice," but on-line beginning relationships do.

For younger children, it may be hard to understand that some of the people in chat rooms aren't who they say they are. They may be children playing pranks or trying on a new identity, or they may be adults attempting to manipulate children. Talk to your child about what goes on and what they think. Explain, "Pretending to be someone you aren't just for fun is OK, but pretending so you can trick other people isn't nice." That's enough for a 10 year old child.

You can allow your children to go to chat rooms and talk to other children if you "listen" along. There are many safe places to chat on-line (see the list at the end of the article). Watch the conversation topics, the social interactions, and the problems and solutions presented. This doesn't have to be a "Big Brother" experience; use this time to learn about your children's friends, who they would like to be and why, the things they like to talk about, and the questions they want answered. Share their excitement. Offer suggestions on friendships and communication. Teach them to be thoughtful and considerate in on-line relationships just like in real life relationships.

Rules for Use: Now is a good time to start setting up some basic computer rules.

One might be "No food or drink at the computer," since one spilled soda can trash a keyboard.

If you have a computer at home for work or a home office, set hours of the day when the computer is available for play, and hours when it is off limits.

For large families, both parents and children should go online together. Let mom and son spend 30 minutes on-line tonight, while dad and daughter play together at something else. Tomorrow night, switch places, and the next night, switch parents.

Ultimately, you need to teach from an early age that on-line access is a privilege that comes with rules and responsibilities. Kids don't use it by themselves without adult supervision.

Learn about the Web and older kids at http://www.psychpage.com/family/library/protect.html